The Importance of Dating Yourself

By: Damaris (@styled2z)

The perception of dating in your 20s is that it’s the time of your life. The media (movies and television) makes dating seem like an endless parade of bar hopping, make out sessions, and one night stands. Then there is also the expectations of family. The family structure wants the seriousness of a courtship with the ultimate goal being marriage. While many are okay with dating's casualness and lack of expectations, the bigger question is where does that leave you as an individual?

We tend to forget who we are and what we want when dating.  There is a constant need to prove to your peers that you are care free and wild like them.  Nevertheless, dating is for you so who you are attracted to and why is your prerogative. On the other hand, the pressure is still there to get approval from others on whether the person we are dating is attractive, funny, smart etc. However, we cannot forget what we want and what we like about that person in a relationship. I speak from experience. I dated someone and I felt pressured because the relationship was not ideal but I stayed because everyone was telling me that relationships take work and I had to give it time. I knew what I wanted but I ignored my own voice.

At first the relationship was meeting my needs and interests, after a while there was an overwhelming distance. Deep down I knew it was the end, yet I ignored the signs. The relationship was a secret from my family because I knew the pressure I would get on their end. If I was in a relationship it needed to lead to marriage and kids. I thought this was the answer, keeping it from them, however, the secretive element added more unnecessary pressure and it affected what I was willing to accept from a relationship. For example, I was okay with him not making an effort to come see me or only texting me instead 
of calling and having a real conversation with me. I lost sight of my self. My voice was calling from a distance. One day my voice screamed out to me and I finally listened. After the break up, I found that piece of myself and swore to never let her go.

Now the woman who wants to date by her terms and not let others, subconsciously, dictate her every move is bounded into my core to make one happy human being. Furthermore, I learned to be okay with the reality that not every date will lead to a long lasting relationship, and that just obtaining a commitment or marriage are not the ultimate goals. The ultimate goal for me has been and will continue to be happiness. I need to be happy with myself, date myself first and learn to truly love who I am. It’s okay to think about yourself in your 20s. Live the life you want and achieve every career/ personal goal possible. Never forget the woman you are in a world full of loud voices. Strive for everything that makes you happy in and out of a relationship and do not compromise who you are in the process. Life is too short to be unhappy even for one minute. Be a woman whose voice is her own mantra and guide.