Wednesday, September 30, 2015

Breaking Bad: 3 Steps to Break Bad Habits

"You are what you repeatedly do."

The concept of a habit is actually very beneficial. Habits become automatic behaviors that we do without even thinking, which frees up our minds to focus on other things. Good habits develop positive behaviors that we don't have to think about, however,  bad habits do the complete opposite. They say it takes 21 days to form a habit, so how long does it take to break one? How does someone correct a behavior that probably took weeks, months or years to make subconsciously habitual?


Here are 3 steps you can take to breaking your bad habits:

1. ADMIT IT In order to break a bad habit you have to state the obvious. Coming to the realization that your are habitually doing something that doesn't progress you, actually catapults you in the direction of success. Mind Tools calls it developing self-discipline and self-awareness. Since habitual behaviors are so subconcious, it is important to stay aware of what you're doing, and how you are thinking and feeling when you're doing it. Self-awareness is key to recognizing your bad habits in the first place.

2. SWAP IT OUT  In real life, bad habits can be quite enjoyable and at times therapeutic depending on the habit; it’s VERY difficult to simply eliminate them altogether. Instead, you need to replace a bad habit with a new habit that provides a similar more positive benefit.  This article on How To Break A Bad Habit says it’s better to replace your bad habits with a healthier behaviors that addresses that same need. You can't expect yourself to go cold turkey on your bad habits (unless you have that will power) without replacing them. Going cold turkey can leave a void,  and “just not doing it" will become more difficult after a while.

3. MAKE IT CONTAGIOUS Find a friend, a real friend, that will be down for helping you achieve your new goal. Inviting your colleagues, family members, and friends to help you break your bad habits not only provides a source of accountability for you but you have a good time practicing a new behavior with people who care about your well-being and can motivate you to get back on track. Share your goals with them, and ask them to hold you accountable if you slip back into your old ways.

Of course, every person is different. It's important that you to take these blanket methods and develop a unique strategy that fits your personality and lifestyle. Old habits die hard but don't forget that You can do ALL things through Christ the strengthens you Philippians 4:13, and on days when you feel the weakest, remember,  ..."My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 12:9. 

YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!
 

Monday, September 28, 2015

Two Years of Marriage: What I've Learned


-->Today marks my 2nd wedding anniversary, so it's only right I share my learning experiences. Marriage is not just Instagram and Facebook photos; it is a long-term commitment of forgiveness, compromise, and unconditional love! I'll be the first to admit when I first got married I didn't know all that was in store. I still had a selfish outlook on marriage and wanted everything to be about me; but God quickly showed me that marriage is no longer a ‘me’ attitude. In a two-year time span here’s what I’ve learned (plus much more) about being married, raising children, and finding a sense of self.

  1. Every marriage is unique: I can't stress this enough. We tend to idolize someone else marriage forgetting that we’re different people. We are all unique individuals, what works for you may not work for someone else and vice versa. Don't compare your marriage, use that time to invest in your own marriage and work on things that need to change and don't just fuss at your mate, try working on yourself as well!!

  1. Above everything, seek the kingdom of God first! This should have been number one because it should be the number one priority in your marriage. God is everything in your marriage—your counselor, your friend, and even someone to vent to. I learned this the hard way in the beginning, I wanted to share all my problems with friends and family and I was so frustrated but I learned that God gives the best advise. The best part is, he doesn't share your problems with anyone. My husband and I just recently started doing bible study together at home and I love it! Marriage is hard, you need God as your backbone! 

  1. Your children are important but so is your husband! So again, I admit, I didn't always abide by this! Everything in the beginning was all about my children, I forgot about the other grown child at home (just kidding!) but seriously, men love attention and quality time too. While they might not say anything, believe me, they notice. Make time out for dates, trips etc. I know with children it can be difficult but even if it's enjoying a glass of wine together after you put the children to sleep, or watching a movie, find time to spend together!!!

  1. Marriage is not a fairytale it's perseverance. I recently heard a quote from The Pope and it hit me like a ton of bricks! I'm a fairytale girl and I thought life was like the books and the movies. I had no idea about the amount of work I had to put in, in particular within myself. It's easy to put up with yourself but in a relationship, you have to work on things for the betterment of your partner. I surprised myself with my outlook on marriage and God showed me a lot about myself as a wife. Neither one of us is perfect but the one person I need to start with, is myself.

  1. Make time for intimacy. Yes, I said it! Intimacy is important and sometimes the most over looked!! Make time to love each other—share a kiss out in public, hold hands while walking down the street. I always joke with my husband when I see a couple holding hands, I say, "Oh, they're in love!" You have committed to be with this person for the rest of your life, don't lose that spark! 

My husband and I celebrated our 2nd year anniversary in Miami! We had a good time! 


Jessica M. Byrd is the parent of a two and one year old. 
She is the founder of Metro Detroit Mom's Club and believes 
every mother should live a life on purpose!
 
 


Wednesday, September 23, 2015

Heart Problems


 by Victoria Armstead

“Lord, what’s wrong with me? Where’s this coming from? What happened? Why me? How do I shake this feeling? “ 

Have you ever felt like there was something, beyond your intellect, standing in the way of you loving God with your WHOLE heart? Do you find yourself constantly “feeling some type of way”?  Are you unexplainably angry and bitter? Yea? Well sir/ma’am you have a CURABLE case of heart problems!

No, not those kind silly! I’m not prophesying a heart attack, stroke, or anything of that nature over your life. These heart problems, however, can cost you your life, if you’re not careful. These heart problems break down your spirit man and hold up your destiny. They give you a harsh disposition and strain your ability to love. Now, usually you’d have to make an appointment to talk to a doctor about your condition, but in this case, your answer is just one “Father in the name of Jesus” away. 

Typically, when you have an unusual ache or pain in your body, you want to know where it’s coming from so, you research your symptoms and causes of your affliction. After you get an idea of what the problem might me, you go to the doctor to gain more knowledge about what’s happening to you and to understand the seriousness of the situation, how it can be treated, and how it’ll impact your future. The doctor runs tests, gives you a diagnosis, explains preventative measures, and prescribes you medicine to cure your ailment. Now, you just have to do your part to get rid of it!

Well, as believers, we have to apply the same tenacity towards being better followers of Jesus Christ and that can’t be done if we carry around these heart problems. Some of us have experienced things that left us with hardened hearts. I know, for me, relationship blues and work drama alone took to me to that “forget everything and everyone” point. Some of you may have experienced abandonment, abuse (emotional/physical/verbal/sexual), rejection, church hurt, and many other unfortunate circumstances. Whatever it is, the burden of it ends after you read this blog in Jesus name!

I guess your next question is, “How do these things lead to heart problems?” See, the thing with heart problems is that you may never know of their existence until something triggers them. If you can, imagine an overly-filled garbage bag. You’re too lazy to take it out, so you just keep pilling stuff in and one day it just pops! It stinks up the whole place, you’re furious and there’s garbage everywhere! Imagine your heart as that garbage bag and your life as the place that gets the funky odor.  Not pretty, right? These problems creep by us for so long until something big happens and nearly destroys us. This is why the bible tells us to guard our hearts, for it determines the course of our lives (Proverbs 4:23). We’ve become a generation who deals with our problems by “sweeping them under the rug” and developing an “it is what it is “mentality. We only play ourselves by allowing something that Jesus took to the cross to eat away at us. We have to become masters at casting our cares on the Lord because he cares for us (1 Peter 5:7). If not those heart problems will continue to develop so, take out the garbage!

Here are some steps towards recovery:
1.    Pray! Ask God to reveal what’s going on with you (Jeremiah 33:3)
2.    Confess it all (1 John 1:19; Romans 10:10)
3.    Ask for forgiveness and you MUST forgive others (Matthew 6:14-15; Acts 3:19)
4.    Search His Word for answers, not people. (Proverbs 30:5)
5.    Ask God to cleanse your heart (Psalm 51:10; Ezekiel 36:26)
6.    Guard your heart …be careful what goes in and comes out of it. (Proverbs 4:23)
7.    LOVE (1 Peter 4:8; 1 John 4:7-8; Matthew 22:37-39)

Remember, you’ve been healed since the beginning of time! Bitterness and anger have no power or dominion over you! Bye, bye heart problems. We’re FREE!!!!!!! You’ve been cured and the curse is broken!!!




Monday, September 21, 2015

A Mommy Minute: Metro Detroit Moms Club: My Mission


By: Jessica Byrd

This past Saturday, The Moms Club had an awesome time at our second Meet and Greet at Detroit's new Outdoor Adventure Center. Their tagline; “bringing Up North Downtown” really serves its purpose. 

Many people asked me to share my story and mission for the Moms Club. The Moms Club was created after I had my son. Being a working professional with two children as a young woman, I struggled internally transitioning into motherhood. Outside it appeared I had it all together but I struggled with my new life, a life of less “me” time, “planned” girlfriend time and fitting my spouse into the equation was another struggle. I did have supporting family members but it appeared to me if I had supporting family members and still struggled, imagine those who have no one in to help them thought this journey called motherhood, that’s when Moms Club was born. To date I have fifty members. We host playdates, workshops, moms nights out and more!! I am looking forward to another year with these fabulous moms and learning more about them and from them. Here are a couple things I have gained so far from Moms Club:

1. Supporting Network: I can truly say that I have some amazing women in this group. I have gained a supportive group with mothers of all ages. We all share the struggles of parenting as well as gain something from each other. Parenting is a never ending job and we all openly share our experiences with each other without judging. 

2. Honorary Babysitters:  I have to admit, as the founder of this club, planning our playdates can get very stressful. At times, I feel like a one woman show, I engage in conversation with my members, take photos, host, and I bring my own two children along. At all of our playdates, another member always offers to watch my children while I am busy with hosting duties. 
    We all look out for each other, We’re all honorary babysitters, we’re all mothers, we all know the struggle.  

3. Role Models: These ladies are truly my role models, especially those with more than two children! These ladies show me on a daily basis the importance of this organization. We all have one main important goal -- to be the best “us” as possible, which will essentially allow us to become better mothers. I have members from all different walks of life, and it is truly inspiring to see young mothers become well rounded, and well grounded individuals. Our children are the future and we are our children’s first role 
model.


I am so excited for the future for The Moms Club. I am looking forward to more events, more learning, more motivating, and uplifting one another.  Thank you to all the Moms that came to the Meet and Greet! ~Being a mom is Fabulous!!!






View all the pictures from the playdate on our Facebook page! 








Jessica M. Byrd is the parent of a two and one year old. 
She is the founder of Metro Detroit Mom's Club and believes 
every mother should live a life on purpose!
 
 
 

Thursday, September 17, 2015

New York Fashion Week Favs

New York Fashion Week is the fashion Mecca for all things stylish, cutting edge, and simply irresistable. Take a look at just a few (as there were tons more) of my favorite moments from NYFW 2016! 









June Ambrose shared this amazing front row snap shot recap from Christian Siriano's NYFW Spring 2016 collection.
Blogged by Fashion Bomb Daily's Claire Sulmers: Rita Ora rocked Vera Wang's merino wool 'Cold Shoulder' pullover ad pleated skirt at the Vera Wang SS16 show.

Loved the geometric details that graced the Bibhu Mohapatra NYFW runway for Spring/Summer 16

Nicki in Givenchy at Givenchy.

More NYFW moments from Tadashi Shoji SS16

"Dancing shoes at Ground Zero"

Kendall Jenner for DVF

Embellishments by Rachel Zoe

And the award for favorite NYFW runway set goes to Monique Lhuillier!

A picturesque prairie set  for Mara Hoffman Spring/Summer 16

"Flowing dresses, minis, geo-floral prints and fringed handbags for #RMSPRING"

Jason Wu showed some sassy colors for his Spring/Summer 16 collection

Spotted: NYFW street fashion accessories.

"The Always Chic Solange Knowles proves a Little White Dress is just as stylish after Labor Day"

Texture and fringe done the Christian Siriano way.

Mara Hoffman SPring/Summer 16 means cloudy blue skies, horizontal stripes, and waist length braids at NYFW. 

This isn't NYFW but Lupita is EVERYTHING on her SECOND Vougue Magazine cover!

All hail Queen Lupita

Miss Jaslene Gonzalez WERKED Michael Costello's blush Georgette double slit kimono dress and custom jewelry body chain by Sweet Revenge.

One of my favorite Tadashi Shoji Spring/Summer 16 NYFW moments. 

Monday, September 14, 2015

How My Children Taught Me Discipline and Structure

By: Jessica Byrd

Please let me begin with a disclaimer: my blog in no shape or form is suggesting that you need to have children for structure, this is just my experience.

Let me introduce you to my life before children. I did what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it and that was all to it. This spilled into my career as well, I knew I only had one person to take of which was me. So I never took work seriously, I came and gone as I please, my whole mindset was, "I'm not working in my desired career so whatever!" The max I would stay at a job was 1 year and it was an accomplishment if I made it that long.
I didn't work out, and I pretty much ate whatever I wanted, and going out was of the norm. Boy has my life changed!

Now let me be honest, at first I wasn't willing to accept my life wasn't the same. I wanted to do the same things and sometimes at night when my children were asleep and my husband was at work, resentment would come staring at me face to face.


After a while I started to embrace this new life and it really affected me in a positive way!  It took me literally two years to get structure within myself and it really does make for a more peaceful day. My mornings used to be my daughter waking me up, me rolling over super tired, leaving out for work and taking my daughter to school super late and talks with my boss about my hours.

Well.. My daughter started a new school and she has to be there on time for Circle Time,  this consequently helped me with structure. The reason I couldn't get up in the mornings was because I stayed up late enjoying my only "me time". Someone told me about working out in the mornings instead of after work when you can easily forget about it. I searched a boot camp Groupon and started working out at 5:45-6:30 am in the mornings, come home, make my daughter breakfast, and we"re out the door by 8:15. I found my "me time" in the mornings working out and plus I'm getting fit! Win win situation!


In addition, I had to learn proper eating habits for my children, so we rarely and I mean rarely eat fast food. I am now becoming best friends with the crock pot, and meal preparation during the week.

Weekends, both of my children have activities in the mornings so I have to develop a routine for Saturday mornings to get my daughter to dance at 9:45 and my son to soccer, starting in October.

I am really learning the importance of structure and structure takes discipline. This has really helped me personally because I am going from a always tired and exhausted mommy to learning about balance and preparation to be a happier mommy and wife. I'm still learning but as of now I am very pleased with myself, pats myself on the back (moms learn how to do that, there's no awards for this job!)

In other news: my daughter first week at her new school was amazing, she cried the first day and didn't cry since! My son will start the same school once he turns two.




Oh! Also, the devil has really been trying to get my family from going to church. It feels like every Sunday there is a roadblock! Not today I had the family up and out for church on time! Take that devil!


I can't wait for the Moms Club Meet and greet this Saturday!


 


Jessica M. Byrd is the parent of a two and one year old. 
She is the founder of Metro Detroit Mom's Club and believes 
every mother should live a life on purpose!

Wednesday, September 9, 2015

DIY Fashion 2.0

 By: Ayana Bryant-Weekes


The first five results under a Google search for DIY fashion will send you into a haven of handmade accessories, multi-way masterpieces, and DIY how-to's that show you a million ways to turn simple items into innovative style statements! These projects promise to be "quick and easy" but let's just be honest, not all of us are DIY savvy and, if there was a way to just print out the picture from the website and have a final product that actually looked like the example, life would be a lot simpler.

Fortunately, it seems in 2015 that advances technology are accelerating the availability of that option...kind of. An article from Fashionista.com introduced Danit Peleg, a graduated fashion student from the Shenkar College of Design, and she is responsible for one of the first 3-D fashion collections printed on machines that you can have in your own home! Imagine having nothing to wear and then being able to print the perfect outfit for that day! 
 
Check out the full article and video here and take a look at Danit's full collection below! 




Monday, September 7, 2015

Happy Labor Day Everyone!

By: Jessica Byrd

We"re preparing to send my daughter to a new school tomorrow and I'm excited and nervous at the same time.

In other news, I want to talk about the emotional detachment we teach our sons just because they are Boys. My son will be two in December and I can't help but to notice how different  friends and family treat my son than my daughter. Sure I understand saying, "put down that purse" or "that's for girls" but this one time my really close friend was over and she has a nine year old son. My son was crying for some reason and she said to him in a deep voice, "stop that crying" and he started crying more. I immediately responded he doesn't react well when you speak to him that way, I still speak to him soft no matter if he's a boy or not, I mentioned,  I leave it up to his father to speak to him in a manly firm voice, but I am still his mother. Her response, "well he will always cry with his mother then." I revisited that statement when I got home and thought about a couple of things and started to do some research. I found my research to be quite interesting, it talked about the pressures and emotional detachment we try to embed in our sons as early as one year old. There is this stigma that our sons have to be tough, and crying doesn't involve being tough even for a toddler. And while many times I did fall into this stigma after the research I separated myself from this society pressure we have on boys. Sure I want my son to grow up and be a man but I also want him to have feelings. If you've been following my post for some time you would know that I don't condone cry babies for both of my children. I express using your words for my son and daughter but I also understand the need for toddlers to cry sometimes and I don't look at it differently because of their gender. I think we shouldn't try to teach our boys so young to try to be a man forgetting the fact that they are human. I do understand why we do this, but for now lets let children be children!


We spent Labor Day weekend at the Michigan State Fair! I couldn't believe how expensive it was now that it's moved to Troy. None the less the children had a great time!




 



Jessica M. Byrd is the parent of a two and one year old. 
She is the founder of Metro Detroit Mom's Club and believes 
every mother should live a life on purpose!

Wednesday, September 2, 2015

Back to Books

Me (left) and Tory (right) at the LOE pageant
Hey guys! So here's a little known fact about me: I have been a part of The Ladies of Excellence at my home church (Greater Emmanuel Inst. COGIC) for about 10 years and in 2007 (I think) I won first place at the GEI Ladies Of Excellence pageant. This is just one of the ministries I'm involved in at my church but it's one that I hold close to my heart. Over the years, LOE has taught me many things like etiquette, professional skills, and countless spiritual concepts to apply to young womanhood. Recently, LOE has pushed me, yet again, into accomplishing one of my personal goals.

This could be just me but this year is FLYING by! Yesterday was the first of September which means we're officially in the last quarter of the year with just 118 days left until 2016 and I've been thinking heavily about the goals, accomplished and unaccomplished, that I set for myself at the beginning of this year and trying to find ways to refine and revamp those goals. What a coincidence that in yesterday's LOE meeting, our Chairlady gave us an assignment to write down some short term goals that we could accomplish by the end of the year and as a group we discussed how we would actually accomplish them. Here's my list:

My 7 Short Term Goals:
1. Lose 35 lbs (Hence my previous attempt to run the Joe Louis stairs pray my strength lol)
2. Add more to my savings account
3. Read 3 Books
4. Finalize all business plans
5. Become more organized
6. Write more for leisure (CREATE)
7. Get a mentor

These goals are a few of the things I need to do to make sure 2016 is as productive as possible. Some will take the entire 3 months (like those 35 lbs -____-)  and some will be accomplished a little more easily ( like reading 3 books). Reading more is always on my list of things to do and my LOE sisters helped me jump start that accomplishment last night. I wrote a post in August encouraging you guys to Revamp Your Reading List based on Relevant Magazine's list of books to read by 25(ish) and after my sisters helped me narrow down which 3 books I'd be reading by the end of the year, I definitely plan to share some of my favorite titles with you!

I've decided to tackle a Finance book, a novel, and a spiritual enhancement book to meet my 3 book goal. I started reading The Man Time Forgot by Isaiah Winler, a book that chronicles the creation of TIME Magazine, but I never finished it so I'll be picking that up again. I'm taking a trip to Barnes & Noble Friday to find my Finance and Spiritual enhancement books so if you guys have any suggestions for titles, drop them in the comments and tell me why it's your favorite!

-Ayana

Tuesday, September 1, 2015

Exposure At A Young Age Matters


Displaying unknown.jpg

By: Jessica Byrd

I remember hearing a quote at My moms club workshop and it really stuck out to me. "Young people are like Kodak film all they need is exposure." I can't recall the author of this quote, but I am reminded of this quote daily.


Some people find it quite funny that I enrolled my son in soccer and he's not even 2 years old yet, or that i started my daughter in dance before the age of three. But exposure is so important to me. I am a firm believer that exposing your children to things at a young age helps with a child's confidence, decisions and their overall growth. Yes, confidence building does start as young as two years old.

I believe exposure help children with affirmations and it helps them develop at a young age.

My daughter learned a song in dance this summer and I love the context of the song. It's called ,"My best" the words say, "my best I like to do my best, for mommy and daddy and all the rest...." Lailah sings the song with such confidence and I'm able to explain to her exactly what doing her best means, and she's learning this all before the age of three.

Exposure is not only activities, exposure is also places, things and more important exposure is your own lifestyle and home values that your children see everyday and will mimic. For example, I don't listen to any rap or r and b around my children. I am strictly listening to gospel while my children are in the car. I want my children to see mommy in praise and worship, and believe me they will have their whole life to get exposed to different genres of music.

I am very particular on the environment I expose my children to, this includes schools also. Speaking of which Lailah will start a new school next week. She's going full time and I think I'm more nervous than she is.

What are you exposing your children to?

*In other news, our second meet and greet will take place on September 12th. I've also taken a break from social media for a month to re- dedicate my time.

This weekend we went to a swimming party and church!





Jessica M. Byrd is the parent of a two and one year old. 
She is the founder of Metro Detroit Mom's Club and believes 
every mother should live a life on purpose!