Dreams and Nightmares

By: Ayana Bryant-Weekes

What's the difference between a dream and a nightmare? Technically, both area succession of images, thoughts, or emotions that pass through the mind during sleep, however, a nightmare is a type of dream, one that brings feelings of helplessness, extreme anxiety, sorrow, etc. At times these images can be extremely vivid and seemingly real; other times, they can be vague and confusing. Sometimes we forget them as soon as we wake up and other times they are easy to recall and stick with us for a long time. 

Of course, some dreams occur when we're not asleep. Some dreams come to us by intuition and imagination; that "little something" on the inside that sparks and indescribable passion, and drive to achieve a goal or satisfy a purpose. We dream of what we'll become in our careers, who we'll meet in our love life, where we'll travel to and so many other fill-in-the-blank details about our lives that cause us to look and plan ahead. Sometimes, if we're not careful, these dreams, these amazing desires we have for ourselves turn into nightmares when fear, laziness, discouragement, distraction and other negative factors creep in and cause us to deviate from our plans and even shy away from the plans that God has for us. 

There's a saying that says, "If your dreams don't scare you, they aren't big enough" I won't speak for everyone, but my dreams seem like nightmares because they are so big and so beyond what I think my capabilities are and if I'm completely honest, my plans for 2016 SCARE ME! These plans are going to push me into a new life season that is uncharted territory for me... but, I'd like to suggest that this "fear"of our dreams, doesn't qualify them as "nightmares", like I said before, fear, laziness, discouragement and distraction are what turn our dreams into nightmares and I think that instead of fear (since fear is a crippling illusion of inadequacy) the nervous jitters we experience before beginning something new is exactly how we know we're going in the right direction and motivates us to push ourselves and dive right in while fear hinders and stifles us and our potential. 

Last Sunday, my pastor, Bishop J. Drew Sheard, preached "The Necessity of Forgetfulness" in which he gave us a lot of things to forget in 2016. Among them were: past failures, handicaps, and fears. There were others but these three stood out the most because these were the very things causing me to second guess and even down size my dreams. As we reflect on 2015 and sit at the threshold of 2016, let's evaluate our goals and dreams. Let's make sure we aren't staying our comfort zones and being small minded but also, let's be sure not to turn our own dreams into nightmares.

My prayer for 2016 is that I continue to trust God at new levels, continue to trust His work and power in me and to release things that cause me to doubt His plan for my life.

Should you know a person’s past when pursing them?

By: Telicia Barksdale 

Question: Have you ever cheated on someone?

Answer: I’ve cheated in every relationship I’ve been in.

*****JUDGEMENT PROCESSING*****PLEASE WAIT***** JUDGEMENT PROCESSING*

Judgment:

“They’re serial cheater. They have cheated on every partner they have ever been with, and they’re probably going to cheat on me.”

Problem:

You’ve made a decision of who they are presently, based on what they did in the past.

______________________________________________________

“The only thing constant in life is change”

For all you know the only relationships that man may have had were during his adolescent years, and I can tell you the person that I am today is not the same person I was when I was 18. My mindset, my actions, my personality have changed.

We go through life we grow and learn from our experiences.

Don’t judge me for things I have done with an underdeveloped mind, body or spirit.

But with that said,

I see no harm in asking questions about the past.

Not focusing so much on what they did, but focusing more on their PRESENT thoughts about their PAST.

So for example:

Question: Have you ever been in a monogamous relationship with anyone?

Male A: “No, I used to mess with a bunch of females back in the day, I lived that life and loved it. Ahh those were the days, if only I could go back.”

Male B: “No, I used to date a lot of different females back in the day, I lived that life for a while but eventually it got old. “

Both of these males did the same thing in the past; however based on their responses, Male B sounds more likely to be successful in a monogamous relationship than Male A. So there’s nothing wrong with taking that response, noting it, and moving along.

The responses to questions about their past helps you identify things like:

Whether or not they are capable of growth?

Do they know right from wrong?

What type of morals they may have?

What do they value?

What they’re looking for?

Etc.

So by simply making conversation and sharing stories you’re getting to know each other. You’re getting to know each other without bluntly asking questions back to back, and making the date cold and awkward.

SO to sum it up, judge the response to the action and not the action…. Just kidding…well kind of J

A Mommy Minute: Year End Review

By: Jessica Byrd

I love the holidays, particularly at  the end of the year. This time of year is so exciting! Most of us are preparing for the holiday and getting ready for a new year and this is when I look forward to new beginnings and do my own year end review to look over my past mistakes and lessons learned. Here are a couple things I've learned about life, parenthood, balance and so forth this year.

1. Each and every child is different and you have to treat them accordingly. My children are thirteen months apart, and although they're close in age, they are completely different. My daughter is self sufficient, my son is not. His whining used to bother me so much, and still does, but I had to realize that I can't compare my children, nor can I discipline them the same, or talk to them the same way. Through trial and error I've learned the importance of treating my children like individuals instead of a group. 
2.  Every relationship needs clear communication, and expectations to be clear. This was huge for me. Being a mother is important, and my marriage is the most important (yes it says this in the bible also.) A lot of arguments could of be avoided had we had clear communication. Same for friendships, we and in this case I, sometimes can place expectations on my friends and when they don't follow through, I'm upset. All of this must be communicated with every relationship you have. This was something huge I learned this year. 
3. Redirection is huge! So, I'll admit, I am big on discipline, but not everything needs a spanking. I learned the importance of redirection for my children, but I've also learned the difference between needing to use redirection and discipline. When my children are crying because they can't get their way it's no need to have a debate, young toddlers don't understand why they can't have something, which means you have to explain the reason to them and redirect your children to a "yes" !  
4. Patience! I have none, and the minute I asked God for patience, the more I was tested. I reworked my schedule sometimes to have more patience. As I mentioned before, waking up earlier in the mornings allows for more patience with your children. Same goes for life, preparation is huge in life and decreases a big rush. Preparation is key! 
5.  Pray till you can't pray anymore. I saved this for last but it is the most important. Although I consider myself to be a spiritual person,  prayer was something that I didn't do everyday. Life can get so busy, but prayer is important! Of Course we take our big issues to God but what about the small things. Praying for a good day, praying for your children safety while at school, praying you make good sound decisions. Recently, I've started my days off with prayer and it helps!

**This weekend was my daughter first dance recital, she did so good and loved every bit of it!!

 

Jessica M. Byrd is the parent of a two and one year old. 

She is the founder of CHICMoms (formerly Detroit Moms Rock) and believes 

every mother should live a life on purpose!

Gift Buying Limits For Children

It's that time of the year where we spend precious moments at the mall and toys stores to buy our children everything that I could’ve imagined and more!

Last year, I went crazy on Christmas gifts for the children, my motto was the more the merrier. What did half of those toys do? Sit in the back room and collect dust. The only two items that were a big hit were the drum set and the karaoke machine.

This year will not be the same. Every other day I get asked, "Did you finish your Christmas shopping"? And when I reply my children aren't getting a lot this year, I can feel the disbelief from my reply. But I'm fine with that!

I saw this post on Metro Parent and I simply fell in love with it. There were a couple mottos that I found to be perfect when it comes to setting limits on Christmas gifts.

        1. The "Three Kings” Christmas. The Three Kings presented Mary with three gifts when Jesus was born. So families Use the same model and present each child just three gifts.

I personally love this. Telling your children you can choose three things and allowing them to limit their selves I think is a good idea. Children will most likely chose three big gifts, which is ok, given your budget. But it sets boundaries and incorporates bible teaching as well.

    2.There’s also a four-gift idea from Victorian tradition. It comes with an easy-to-remember poem: “Something you want, something you need; something to wear and something to read.”

Now this is my favorite! This is the one I will be using this year! Especially since I have toddlers and they're not expecting much yet. I think this is awesome. It covers all ground and allows children and adults to differentiate wants from needs. This is also a good model to follow when it comes to buying yourself gifts for birthdays and etc.

3.       3. Setting a budget. My one friend told her nine year old son his budget for gifts and it was his responsibility to write down his wants and calculate the cost to stay within the budget! Awesome way to incorporate budgeting tools and introducing our children to money.

Whatever your Christmas tradition is, I challenge parents to truly teach our children the meaning of the holiday. Have talks about the limits around Christmas gifts, set a tradition to give to others, or volunteer at events that may need your help around the holidays.

Incorporate your own holiday tradition and values. Like I mentioned before, some people find it obscure that I don't tell my children about Santa Clause. My children knows that God supplies mommy and daddy with all their need to purchase gifts for Christmas. For me, the holiday is about the true reason for the season. But that's my personal family values, each family is different! Whatever it is, own your values, despite what the world tells us we should be doing around this holiday season.

Remember, Christmas is a time of giving and sharing precious moments together, more than anything it's a holiday about love.

Source: Metro Parent

Jessica M. Byrd is the parent of a two and one year old. 

She is the founder of CHICMoms (formerly Detroit Moms Rock) and believes 

every mother should live a life on purpose!

Don't Sweat The Small Stuff! "Things that don't have a vision will perish"

Yesterday, my pastor mentioned something that stuck with me like glue! "Don't sweat the small stuff" I thought about times when I had sweat the small stuff with my children. Days their rooms weren't clean, I didn't finish their laundry, when my daughters' hair wasn't nice and neat, or my sons temper tantrums in the mall. All small things that have really stressed me out! Life is too busy and way too hectic as it is, to sweat small things. I've decided to let small things be that, small things! If I leave the house and my daughter hair isn't perfect despite me just combing it ten minutes ago, then oh well! If I didn't get to laundry as planned and the clothes havn't been folded in three days then oh well! As mothers we have busy lives and if we let it - small things can over take the bigger problems. So parents I challenge you for 2016 to not sweat the small stuff!!

Next, my pastor talked about having a vision for your life. While he was implying a personal vision I thought about a family vision. What is your family vision for 2016? Maybe it's Sunday family time, or incorporating a family budget, which means teaching your toddlers about money, or maybe it means no TV on certain days to really have quality time with your children. Create a family vision and stick to it for the new year, let everything you do be guided by your vision. My family's vision is being gentle with each other, becoming aware of our spending, and decreasing the use of electronics!!! What is your family vision?! I would love to hear!

Speaking of, "don't sweat the small stuff" on Saturday I was completely overwhelmed with my children so I took a day to myself! Boy was it needed! This weekend was very light as I caught up on me time and Rest!

Jessica M. Byrd is the parent of a two and one year old. 

She is the founder of CHICMoms (formerly Detroit Moms Rock) and believes 

every mother should live a life on purpose!

It Looks A Lot Like Christmas

By Ayana Braynt-Weekes

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas! I get most excited around this time of year. The last of the Thanksgiving leftovers (should be) gone, Christmas music is playing on the radio and it's time to unpack the big red bows, wreathes and Christmas lights. I think I get more excited about decorating for christmas than the actual holiday! When I lived in New York, one of my favorite things to do during the holiday, was look at all the holiday window displays. Holidays in New York are always next level and the window displays have my heart.

I haven't been able to see the NY holiday window displays in person since moving back to Detroit so, join me in taking The NYC Observer's Visual Tour of New York's HolidayWindows.

Banquet on 5th Ave, - The Ice Queen of the Saks Fifth Avenue Winter Palace hosted a Holiday Banquet.

Ice: Winter's Brilliance - This year the formula for the perfect Barney's holiday window only required one major element: Ice. The 2015 Barney's Holiday window showcased the brilliance of winter's crystal with an organically formed ice sculpture, live ice sculpting performances, Ice Castle Installations and 700 handblown elements by Seattle-based glass artist Dale Chihuly.

Arctic Chase x Lexus

The Ice Carvers: Live Ice Sculpting

A cavernous ice sculpture is spritzed with water, allowing for a spontaneous development of its organic form.

 Gingerbread Kingdom - 5th avenue shoppers can't miss the Lord and Taylor Gingerbread Kingdom and Sweet Shoppe. 

Christmas in Bloom - Bloomingdale's brought in florist Jeff Latham to create a floral Holiday installation that represent how the holiday season through all five senses from the ring of reindeer bells to the quintessential scent of fresh pine. 

Floral oversized holiday peppermints.

 Bells hang from the gold antlers of a reindeer, seated in a bed of red roses. As the sculpture nods its head, it creates a symphony of chimes     

Two snowmen wrapped in blooming wrapped scarves.

Crown Jewels: Nights in Crystal Armor - Burgdorf Goodman celebrated Swaravki's 12th Anniversary with a “Brilliant Holiday” themed window display featuring more than 7 million of Swarovski 's world acclaimed crystals.

"The Crown Jewels,"

 

Henri Loves The Holidays - Inspired by a Parisian apartment, the displays at Henri Bendel spotlight Izak's iconic Bendel girl illustrations. With an elegant fireplace and chandelier, the main window is built to showcase "every Bendel girl's dream," while a four-story parade of twinkling lights climbs over the building's Fifth Avenue front.

A Charlie Brown Christmas - An interactive Peanuts-themed Christmas display at Macy's in Herald Square allows viewers to play the piano and hear the notes. Click Here to see behind the scenes footage of this year's Macy's Holiday window.

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