Untying The Knot: Hall Passes and Today's Relationship Culture

 By: Ayana Bryant-Weekes

I remember Hall Passes. In middle school, they were written proof that I had permission to get out of class and roam the hallway. Whether I was taking a "bored with class bathroom break", or a "wake me up walk" to my locker, as long as I had a hall pass, I knew I wouldn't be in trouble for being caught in the hallway while class was in session. Now, hall passes have taken on a completely different meaning..

Rick and Fred, two husbands who are having difficulty in their marriages, are given a Hall Pass by their wives: for one week, they can do whatever they want. This is the plot summary of Hall Pass (2011) a romantic comedy that made light of a concept from the 1960's- 80's that introduced a brand new meaning to the elementary term, hall pass.

 Today's relationship culture seems to lean towards the latter as a solution to infidelity in their relationships; you can even find an updated definition of the term on Urban Dictionary that ranges from a theoretical pass or permission slip, granted by one's spouse, boyfriend, or girlfriend to go out socially with friends (but did NOT imply any romantic or sexual encounters), to a week off from marriage to do whatever you want without consequences. Maybe it's just me, but this new "hall pass" concept just isn't sitting right with me.

First, Toya Wright appeared on Untying The Knot,  Bravo’s new reality show that attempts to help troubled couples "divorce with dignity", and shared with divorce lawyer Vikki Ziegler that she gave her husband Mickey Wright (AKA Memphitz) a hall pass to cheat.

“She gives me eight days a year to do what I want, no questions asked,” Memphitz said. 

THEN, Mo’Nique tells True Exclusives that the idea of cheating being a deal-breaker in relationships is a Western idea that comes from a culture of ownership and defends the hall pass concept.

“We’ve been taught to have ownership, and that’s the Western way to do it. I’m not sure where you originate from, but I originate from this place called Africa and what I know about African kings—tell me one of them who just had one wife. Do you know any of them? I don’t. That’s where I originate from. So when we came here, we adopted other people’s ways, and that’s called ownership. There was a time when I was owned before. I don’t want to be owned anymore.

I'm not buying it. I understand that the lines of communications between husbands and wives must remain open and honest, and I understand that women are trying to take the allure out of cheating by making it less of a forbidden act, but doesn't allowing your mate a "no questions asked hall pass" to step outside of your union seem to defeat God's purpose of marriage? How can  two become one...[Ephesians 5:31 NIV] if your spouse has the opportunity to include a third party?

Today's relationship culture is genius at coming up with ways to profess commitment without actually committing to anything. "The secret to a long lasting marriage" evolves more and more and as time goes on, makes it seem almost outlandish to abide by any standard of marriage that requires accountability. Instead of coming up with new methods to keep your mate from cheating, why not strengthen the bond you have with your mate through honesty and prayer; praying (as a couple and individually) that God guards your hearts and desires and keeps your  marriage new and vibrant.

I say a special prayer for married couples that their love and desire for each other remain strong. As a single woman, I've become accustomed to the fluidity of my singleness. I can only imagine the prayer, diligence and self sacrifice it takes to commit to another person, especially for a lifetime.The words of Proverbs 5:18-19 stay in my heart for couples struggling to fight their desire to step out of their relationships.

18. May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. 19. A loving doe, a graceful deer-- may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love.