A Mommy Minute: Teaching Your Children to Use Their Words

By: Jessica Byrd

This particular blog is for all the struggling mothers of toddles as myself. As mentioned before I'm trying to work on my patience with my children but one thing I have very low tolerance for is whining and crying to get your way. My favorite line to my children is "use your words"  I'm trying to teach my children to communicate their needs instead of crying, especially my soon to be three year old. She sees her brother crying and tires to follow suit! NO way! Here is one example of me expressing the importance of using your words to my daughter;

My daughter usually holds herself in the morning and cries. I know she has to use the bathroom so when I walk in her room I say, "Lailah do you have to potty" sometimes she's still whining, I say "ok Lailah I'll come back when you tell mom what you want" of course their is a possibility that she could potty on herself but thank god she hasn't. When I walk back in the room she usually says, "mommy I have to potty" I would then say, "thank you for using your words Lailah, you're such a big girl! I usually give her praise ask for a high five and she's usually a happy camper. I am repeating this praise over and over until she learns that using your words is the best way to communicate your needs!

My son on the other hand is a little younger, he will be two in December but I'm starting the same routine with him. Especially when he cries for milk, I usually stop him in his tears and say, "do you want milk"? He says yes and I reply "how do you ask mommy for milk like a big boy" he usually says "milk please" and I praise him! Of Course there are times when their both way too frustrated and crying is the easier answer for them, but for the most part mommy is teaching them this is a use your words zone!

Make sure you're teaching your toddlers to use their words and not answering to their every cry without properly explaining how to ask for things and use their words! It's a process but they need to learn how to communicate.



*This weekend was a park weekend we celebrated some friends birthday and went to the park both days!

As promised, I was going to keep you guys updated on my children's school. I took Lailah out of Childtime which I believe was awesome for when she was 1-2 years old but as she transitioning into her pre preschool years (she will be three in November) I want her to attend a school environment. She will be starting Early Impressions this September! I am excited for her to attend a big girl school but nervous, as any parent would be. You can't start this school until you're two so my son will be starting January 1st (his birthday is December 31st) I will keep you guys posted about the school!

Jessica M. Byrd is the parent of a two and one year old. 

She is the founder of Metro Detroit Mom's Club and believes 

every mother should live a life on purpose!

A Mommy Minute: Trying to understanding your child’s tantrums

By:Jessica Byrd

First let me admit, I am not an expert in parenting, I am just a mother learning the ins and out of parenting as I read, and through trial and error. Discipling  is something that is so hard for me. If I spank my child I feel awful afterwards, if I yell, my children burst out into tears, so most of the time I was left losing many battles. That was then. I found it important to first try to understand my children’s tantrums, to understand how to discipline them accordingly. With my daughter there is a tantrum every morning she can’t wear a dress. This little girls love dresses, it used to stress me out, If I say no Lailah you’re not wearing a dress today, she would literally throw a fit. How do you spank a child for this??!! What it all boils down to is that she couldn’t get her way, and she doesn’t properly know how to address those feelings. At first, It was because mommy said so. Now I have to explain to my child why sometimes pants are a better fit for the day. Conversations usually go like this, “you don’t want to wear your pretty dress in the rain do you”, “you don’t want to play in your pretty dress outside,” and it goes on. Yes, this is a real live issue I have with my daughter she is obsessed with dresses.

A lot of times when she is frustrated she like to turn into a baby to get attention. Now this is something I have zero tolerance for. At this point it is no talking, I direct her to time-out and tell her to come see mommy she’s ready to communicate and talk to mommy like a big girl. This works wonders!! She will sit in time out, sometimes cry for  a second, realizes she is getting no attention, and 7 times out of 10, says mommy I’m ready to be a big girl. My eyes light up, and I say GREAT! Mommy likes when you’re a big girl!

When we’re out in public and she wants things her way, I usually take her in the bathroom get down to her level and talk about the situation, most times she comes out a happy camper, sometimes it doesn’t work. I try my best not to spank, but sometimes this child can truly test me!! Those girls!!

My son is pretty chill, but he’s in this throwing stage and it drives me insane!! If he gets mad he throws, most of the time I explain to him he doesn’t throw, and that didn’t work a bit. This week, I am starting time outs. I will keep you guys posted on how that works.

I have really learned the importance of understanding the cause of your child’s tantrums, this can help you understand the appropriate disciplinary measures you should take.

As promised, I have found a school for my children. Tune into next week and I share my journey in choosing the right school for my children!

Also if you’re interested in joining The Mom’s Club we will be having a Meet and Greet in September.

** This weekend, I had a break!!  On Saturday, my children went with their grandparents on and I enjoyed a night with friends!! Much needed!


Happy Monday Loves!! Lailah and I on the way to school. Yes she’s wearing a dress ...lol  




Jessica M. Byrd is the parent of a two and one year old. 

She is the founder of Metro Detroit Mom's Club and believes 
every mother should live a life on purpose!

 

Making the hard choice: Choosing the right School

By: Jessica Byrd

Ok, so I’ve been having an on-going debate with myself about what is most important when deciding on a school for my children. My daughter is turning three this year, and my son is turning two. My daughter has been in daycare now for about a year and a half. Since she is getting older, I want to put her in a school this is curriculum based, and remove her from a daycare atmosphere. I have looked into numerous  pre-k programs and run across the same debates; public, private or charter, diverse, predominantly white or predominately black. These are some of the concerns that cross my mind and of all of them, the main debate is race. Yes, I am openly admitting that this a strong decision that I am on the fence about. As an African-American I went to predominantly black schools, until I went to Michigan State. I went to great schools, and as I look back race wasn’t something that really resonated with me as a child. Suddenly, today it is the new talk of the town and even schools are stereotyped by their race classification. When I talk to other parents, every parent openly admits that they want their children to be in a diverse school. I don’t remember this being a big deal when I was younger, I just remember going to school with people that looked like me, and it was ok.

Now the Millennial parents are bombarded with all kinds of misconceptions, stereotypes, and divided school systems. We are told predominately African-American schools are falling behind, and predominately white schools are scoring better. Not to mention we will soon have a divided Detroit Public School District, now we have EAA schools , and charters schools are popping up on every corner. As I am still in search for a good Pre-K, and Kindergarten school here are the things that will help me with my final decision:

1. The teachers education and their credentials. I have visited several schools where the teachers for pre-k seem a little young. Yes, I believe some young teachers are very wise, and well-equipped to teach, however my comfort level is for my children’s teacher to be a little seasoned. In addition, I believe the teacher’s educational background is important if you’re my child’s primary source of learning.

2.       The school’s curriculum. Each school has a different curriculum and if it doesn’t for

         pre-k then it is not the right choice for me. I want to be able to know what my child will

         be learning. This way I am able to teach my children at home, and I am aware of what

         my children knows and doesn’t know.

3.       The environment. At first I felt into this mindset that I want my children to be in a diverse

         school, but now I stand strong on the belief that I don’t care if the children are white, black, blue or pink. I want my children around an excellent learning environment, where learning is their first priority. Another key factor to their environment is the classmates' parents. I want a school where the parents are heavily involved. This means the school has some sort of parent community or organizations that meet on a regular basis.

4.  Extra-curriculuar activities. What kind of extracurricular activities does the school offer?

    This is also important because I believe when you start a child off in extra curricular activities early, it opens their exposure.

5. The school’s scorecard. I am an avid online person, and there are a number of schools

   score cards online that shows the schools ratings. One I’ve recently looked at is   https://www.excellentschoolsdetroit.org . Also, MetroParent just released their Big Book Of Schools that gives a complete listing of charter, public, and private schools by different counties.

I will keep you guys updated on the different schools I’ve visited and the verdict on the school I decide for pre-k!!

This weekend was busy for me. Graduations, Bridal showers, and baby showers. None the less I had time to snap some pictures with my loves.

Jessica M. Byrd is the parent of a two and one year old. 

She is the founder of Metro Detroit Mom's Club and believes 

every mother should live a life on purpose!

How Has Your Childhood Affected You?

By: Jessica Byrd

This last Tuesday my hairdresser came to my house to do my hair, while my friend cooked, and entertained my children. Yes, this is why you need a great support system, especially with two toddlers running around. In the midst of me getting my hair done, we had good ole girl talk. I am not sure how we started talking about childhood, but the conversation was never ending when we talked about how we grew up. We hear it so much, how you grow up shapes your reality, but I am truly starting to notice how true this is. There were three women in the house, all had different perspectives and different realities about how things were and should be.

The more we talked the more I understood the value of your childhood. Do you know how many grown women, yes grown, are still fighting their childhood battles. Growing up in dysfunction, can make you think happiness is off your radar, even if happiness is in front of your face you will find something wrong (this speaks to me), some women saw daddy do everything, and can’t find or settle for a man to measure up, others are still hurt from the neglect of their parents and try to bury their issues. Some people grow up with no lines of communication, and taught to hide your emotions.

Just as I thought I was over this conversation, I saw someone post this on instagram the very next day.  

How deep is this? I immediately captured this picture and posted on my instagram account. It made me think about myself as a parent. What habits do I want to stop that can potently affect my children. Our children are aware even if we think they are too young. The can hear us arguing with daddy, cussing the lady out at the store. They know when we’re not paying attention because work is too important, they know when we don’t show up at a game, or dance recital. Our children are aware. Let’s be the best parents we can be. Starting with ourselves. As far as getting rid of your childhood hurt, know our parents are not perfect. Talk to them about our hurt, pray for forgiveness, and move forward being a better you!!! I suggest praying and fasting, it will allow for deliverance.

This weekend was busy for me, full of birthday dinners and birthday parties. This Saturday we celebrated Ms. London’s second birthday at Chuck E Cheese.

Jessica M. Byrd is the parent of a two and one year old.  She is the founder of Metro Detroit Mom's Club and believes  every mother should live a life on purpose!

Life Of A Fatherless Child

Guest Blogger: Miyona Perry

IG: @23withnodegree & @missmiyona1019

Website: www.23withnodegree.com 

After examining my life and those around me – via social media and such, I’ve noticed a heartbreaking trend: the absence of a father.

Now while it’s very courageous of a woman to take on the role and responsibility of the both parents, it’s time we start to get real and raw about this.

A father is the first encounter for both a son and daughter, outside of the nurturing contact with the mother. The father is there to be the stronghold, a provider. He is the one who guides the family, leads the family. He is the one who gives his daughter the confidence & high self-esteem she will later value and carry within herself. He is the one who shows his son how to ride a bike, pray, play basketball, etc. The father is truly the pillar of the family, he sets the TONE – now if the lead of the house is absent, what are we left with? Follow me, if we are supposed to be following this mold of: Christ | Husband | Wife | Children in which Christ is supposed to be on the head of the Husband, the head of the Husband is now onto the Wife, etc & that mold is now broken, what are we left with?

We are now left with women who are now pissed and angry for allowing their self to deal with someone they thought wouldn’t leave; Sons who look towards the streets or outside influences (the media constantly feeding their minds with crap) and daughters who are looking for a void (please don’t lie and say this isn’t true).

This is my problem: somewhere along the lines we stop REQUIRING. We stop requiring our men to be fathers, we stop requiring on behalf of ourselves as women to uphold a standard. We start to get a little bit more laxed in how we approach relationships. As we tend to require less, the more men stop stepping up. It seems to me (just my opinion) that after the 70s era, things got a little shaky. We started to go into the drug era and all hell has broken loose. As a result of the crack / cocaine epidemic, families were truly destroyed and broken. Let’s not forget factoring in the aftermath of the mentality embedded in our black men thanks to Willie Lynch (shout out to you – you did a number on us), the term family really hasn’t hold any term of value since then. But, before I get into my “black panther moment” let me try to keep this as concise as possible…

Because of this shift & the man not being around, things are out of order. We are creating generational curses. When are we going to stop pointing the blame at others and look at our own lives. We can no longer force our children to reap the rotten fruit of our bad seeds that we’ve sown. Why must we continue to do this to ourselves?

I see no one out here getting being sick and tired of BEING sick and tired and getting the heart of the issue which is ourselves. We need to hold responsibility. Sis, so because YOU chose to not heal from past wounds and playing this “poker face” role, allowing yourself to keep repeating the same relationships (just with a different person), you now want your child to feel your pain? You now want your child to feel, see, & hold onto what your hurt is and allow them to go through the SAME thing? Bro, because you decided not to deal with your wounds of being a fatherless child and instead wanted to direct that energy into living and building into your ego, you’re going to let your son go out here into the world empty as you did? Instead of pouring into HIM the way you always wanted?

The hurt, the guilt of our parents mistakes we have to let go of. This is only making matters worse. We have young girls out here on Instagram and Vine twerkin & cussin’, YOUNG boys (toddlers) out here holding baby bottles as 40 ounces, pretending to be a “man” by yelling at someone… & the people who are videotaping it, are LAUGHING & we think this is OKAY?! All because WE chose NOT to heal? We sing our hearts out to K. Michelle’s, “Can’t Raise A Man” not knowing that it’s OUR fault why we have grown boys out here walking the streets and getting into relationships – all because the guy WE chose, chose not to be involved. This trend of hurt, this generational thing of absence is all pathological and it has to STOP somewhere.

There’s even fatherless children in “two-family” households. Just because we SEE that the father is there doesn’t mean he’s emotionally and spiritually there. So while we’re all rooting for marriage, or rather forcing ourselves to love the idea of a person, we’re creating and setting bad examples there as well.

This is all to say this: we need to 1) get back to the basics of true premise of family and this cannot be obtained until we 2) get our lives together and get it together through Christ. Here we are torturing ourselves, living in our hurt and misery, THINKING it’s not hurting anymore, when in fact, the same hurt we mask, shows up in EVERY area of our lives. We need to get real with ourselves because with every generation…it gets w o r s e. Men are AFRAID to cry, to be open, to love & love hard because of their past. Women are afraid of being their self because they think that someone will love on them more if they projected a different persona. Do y’all see this? Is this NOT frightening to know we are all walking around like dead zombies because we kill our spirit man, blow by blow because of unattended wounds? This boils down to a) not being open to discussing mental health & counseling and b) losing the Center of ourselves which should be a spiritual connection with our Father. We would rather go about our lives and consume our time with crap, “make-pretending” (got that from Mo’Nique in Precious) than to get in the core and start looking in the mirror.

I cry everyday because a lot of the pain I see in people’s eyes could have been prevented had they gotten the help they needed. Granted, it’s never too late to allow God to mend and heal those wounds the proper way but still, we let all this extra noise blind our eyes and ears to the real. Life has taught me that until you get right within yourself, NOTHING else can fall into place. We have to get OUT of our feelings and learn how to heal.

I encourage you guys to start a self-love journey & really shun away all of this extra stuff and get to the essence of who YOU are! How can you be a successful person if you’re broken inside? How can you handle mentally college or the real world if you are b r o k e n.






Sorry for the very lengthy post. If you made it this far through the post, thank you! Feel free to comment!

Blessings,
-Miyona ♥