A Mommy Minute With Jessica Byrd: Mom's and The Workforce

By: Jessica Byrd
 
Last Monday, due to my daughter, Lailah, being home sick, I stayed home with her. This meant taking a sick day to be Doctor Mommy . Which brings me to this week's Mommy Minute post; do employers really respect, better yet understand your duties as a mother? I've always been raised to believe that my children come first, no ifs, ands, or buts about it! From as long as I could remember, if I was sick, my mom was right there by my side. I know some mothers in the workforce don't have that same luxury, but I'm also wondering, when you call in sick because your child isn't feeling well, does your employer really respect this or do they see this as another excuse?!  Women have come a very long way, we're now able to provide for ourselves, get higher paying jobs, be bosses, and educate ourselves, but, when it comes to the workforce there still seems to be a thin line between the understanding of your number one job, Motherhood! 

I'll never forget an employee once told me, "never tell your boss your excuse is your children, they don't want to hear that." I immediately thought "Children are NOT my excuse, they"re my reality." It's so hard for working mothers, and that's not to say being a stay at home mom is easy; something as simple as leaving out the door can be a power struggle with toddlers, truth be told.  By time we get to our own work, sometimes we're already tired, exhausted and mentally stressed from a meltdown our toddler decided to have on their way to school. While I understand the importance of leaving your problems at home, and putting on your big girl panties and keep it moving, I don't think It's fair for employers to ignore the importance of motherhood and simply look at caring for our children as an excuse! For mothers struggling with this I suggest two things:

1. In your next employer, examine the culture of the job. This is very very important! I know as mothers we do what we have to do to provide for our children, but I wholeheartedly believe we deserve to be happy even at work! If your job is stressing you out, not being understanding and causing you more headache, it might be time for you to seek another employer. I think we have this mindset that all employers won't care about you being a mother first but that's not true! Examine the culture of your new job, some employers really believe in work, life, balance. This may mean allowing you to work from home one day a week, having a flexible schedule and etc.

1. If seeking another employer isn't an option find the peaceful time for yourself before you get your day started. As mentioned in one of my previous blogs,  many times, I would be exhausted the night before, and my children would wake me early in the morning. By that time, I'm a walking zombie and we're rushing out of the house. Someone suggested setting my alarm clock an hour early and start my day with prayer, that way I controlled the mornings instead of my demanding toddlers. Furthermore, we're not rushing out the door which usually causes more confusion. 

Believe me mothers I know the struggle of being a full time mom, and trying to jumpstart your career is not easy--the tolls it takes on you can be very stressful. It's important that everything we do, aligns with the fact that first, we're mothers! Even if that means forgoing  a dinner party during the week because that night you have to prepare for your morning. It is a daily struggle that will continue  until your children turn 18 (kidding!) 


This weekend we watched Michigan State's victory over U of M!!!! And Sunday the whole family went to church! 

Don't forget our moms and finance workshop is approaching! Must RSVP to attend!

 
Jessica M. Byrd is the parent of a two and one year old. 

She is the founder of Detroit Moms Rock and believes 

every mother should live a life on purpose!

A Mommy Minute: Trying to understanding your child’s tantrums

By:Jessica Byrd

First let me admit, I am not an expert in parenting, I am just a mother learning the ins and out of parenting as I read, and through trial and error. Discipling  is something that is so hard for me. If I spank my child I feel awful afterwards, if I yell, my children burst out into tears, so most of the time I was left losing many battles. That was then. I found it important to first try to understand my children’s tantrums, to understand how to discipline them accordingly. With my daughter there is a tantrum every morning she can’t wear a dress. This little girls love dresses, it used to stress me out, If I say no Lailah you’re not wearing a dress today, she would literally throw a fit. How do you spank a child for this??!! What it all boils down to is that she couldn’t get her way, and she doesn’t properly know how to address those feelings. At first, It was because mommy said so. Now I have to explain to my child why sometimes pants are a better fit for the day. Conversations usually go like this, “you don’t want to wear your pretty dress in the rain do you”, “you don’t want to play in your pretty dress outside,” and it goes on. Yes, this is a real live issue I have with my daughter she is obsessed with dresses.

A lot of times when she is frustrated she like to turn into a baby to get attention. Now this is something I have zero tolerance for. At this point it is no talking, I direct her to time-out and tell her to come see mommy she’s ready to communicate and talk to mommy like a big girl. This works wonders!! She will sit in time out, sometimes cry for  a second, realizes she is getting no attention, and 7 times out of 10, says mommy I’m ready to be a big girl. My eyes light up, and I say GREAT! Mommy likes when you’re a big girl!

When we’re out in public and she wants things her way, I usually take her in the bathroom get down to her level and talk about the situation, most times she comes out a happy camper, sometimes it doesn’t work. I try my best not to spank, but sometimes this child can truly test me!! Those girls!!

My son is pretty chill, but he’s in this throwing stage and it drives me insane!! If he gets mad he throws, most of the time I explain to him he doesn’t throw, and that didn’t work a bit. This week, I am starting time outs. I will keep you guys posted on how that works.

I have really learned the importance of understanding the cause of your child’s tantrums, this can help you understand the appropriate disciplinary measures you should take.

As promised, I have found a school for my children. Tune into next week and I share my journey in choosing the right school for my children!

Also if you’re interested in joining The Mom’s Club we will be having a Meet and Greet in September.

** This weekend, I had a break!!  On Saturday, my children went with their grandparents on and I enjoyed a night with friends!! Much needed!


Happy Monday Loves!! Lailah and I on the way to school. Yes she’s wearing a dress ...lol  




Jessica M. Byrd is the parent of a two and one year old. 

She is the founder of Metro Detroit Mom's Club and believes 
every mother should live a life on purpose!

 

A Mommy Minute: Holding it all together…..For your children's sake!!

By Jessica Byrd

I promised myself when I started this blog, that it wouldn’t be filled of fluff stories. As a Christian I get asked plenty of times, and sometimes ask myself, Why does God allow terrible things to happen? The answer is far fetched and God unfortunately is not the God of this world Satin is. I must admit I have witnessed some strong mothers!!! I have witnessed and experienced mothers tearing down inside, but smiling around their children. Crying while their children are sleep, but make it their business to read a bedtime story every night. I will never forget the first time my two year old saw me cry, I just couldn’t hold it in any longer, and the tears came rolling down. “Mommy what’s wrong”, my daughter said in deep concern, “Mommy is sad Lailah” I responded. At first, I was so embarrassed, and I questioned what effect this may have on my child, seeing her MOMMY cry, because as a mother, the world wants us to suppress our feelings. We are the one person in the house who is supposed to have it all together..NEWSFLASH we don’t.  It really bothers me when people say you’re too emotional. Yes, not knowing how to control your emotions can have a negative effect, but I have realized having emotions is one of the greatest things about me. I hurt, I cry, I get sad, and yes I am emotional!! When my daughter saw me cry, it could've been one of the best bonding moments we’ve ever had. Right there in that moment I had to explain to a toddler what being sad means, and why she shouldn’t waste her tears just to get her way.

“Lailah people cry sometimes when they’re sad, sad means they can be hurt, and being hurt can cause pain, and that’s why some people may cry” I explained

“So mommy you hurt, you hurt mommy?” she responded

“Yes mommy is sad at this moment, that’s why you see tears, so why do you cry Lailah” I asked

“I don’t know” she answered

“It’s important to cry when you’re sad, and talk to mommy, not cry just because you want something” I remarked.

This conversation ended with a huge hug, and a understanding between a toddler and a 29 year old woman. Therefore, as parents we have to hold it together for our children, we are their examples, but we also have to have realistic expectations of ourselves. We don’t escape our children, we explain to our children. We are all people, we all have emotions, no matter if you’re a parent, a child, a grandparent, or a spouse.

** In other news the Outdoor Adventure Center located in 1802 Atwater, Michigan opened up today. I love their tagline, “ Bringing up North downtown” Think having an outdoor experience in an indoor environment, make sure to check it out and bring your children. There will be a Mom's Club playdate soon here also, so stay tuned!


 











 










  
Jessica M. Byrd is the parent of a two and one year old. 

She is the founder of Metro Detroit Mom's Club and believes 

every mother should live a life on purpose!

A Mommy Minute: Traveling with a Toddler

By: Jessica Byrd

I'm sure everyone enjoyed their Fourth of July weekend! This weekend my family and I decided to take our first family vacation to Myrtle Beach in South Carolina. We had a ball!! I was super nervous on the plane ride, which was a struggle for my one year old on the way there. The internet for some reason didn't work and he was just too active for a hour and a half plane ride with no iPad. It was a headache and I felt bad for the passengers around us.

On the way back i decided to look up some tips on traveling with a toddler and they worked! One tip that really worked was tiring your toddlers out before the plane ride so they are sleepy on the plane. That's exactly what I did! Instead of trying to keep my one-year-old in the stroller at the airport, I literally let him have a free for all! I let him run around by an open gate, play and look out the windows, and by the time we were on the plane he was super tired. As for my daughter I found a good movie on the tablet and she was all set!

As for the trip itself, we did everything from going to the water park, to going to the Aquarium, and to the beach -- we had so much fun. One thing I would say is make sure your little ones still get their naps. If they fell asleep in the car while we drove down to the beach, we let them catch up on their rest so they were full of energy for our next adventure (nothing is more stressful then a tired toddler!).

In other news I am so excited for The Mom's Club Summer Play Date coming up! If you're interested in attending make sure to send me an email!

 
Jessica M. Byrd is the parent of a two and one year old. 

She is the founder of Metro Detroit Mom's Club and believes 

every mother should live a life on purpose! 

Patience is Key

By: Jessica Byrd
 
I'm going to openly admit that I don't have the best of patience. It wasn't until I snapped on my son that I realized how important it is to have patience with your little ones. The day started off wrong. My son cried from the time he woke up to the time he was about to go to sleep! LITERALLY!! I was so overwhelmed and stressed at the moment and I allowed my low tolerance to get the best of me. I am now praying for patience and trying to work on having patience every day.

Here are some tips that help me with patience on days when my toddlers are out of hand.

1. Try to figure out what's wrong- Sometimes our children cry for no reason at all, other times it may be a lack of attention. I've noticed that sometimes my children just want a hug or some love. Going about our day trying to get our children in and out can sometimes make them feel unwanted, try to talk to your children and sneak in a hug or two even if you're having a busy day.

2. Find a good hide out place- Yes I said it! If you tried everything and realized your children are just having a bad day, give yourself a breather. I like to take a 5 minute time out in the bathroom to gather my thoughts, pray and re-enter the situation

3. Find some soothing music- It is nothing more irritating, to me, then a stressful car ride. One day my son cried the whole time in the car, I pulled over to soothe him but nothing worked. Then I put on some jazz and he calmed down and fell asleep, which brings me to the next point.

4. Try not to schedule things during your little ones nap time- It sucks but we are truly on their schedule especially the younger ones. I've found that doing things when they are normally napping becomes even more stressful!

5. Find your own inner peace- After a horrible day I like to write in my journal and collect my thoughts! Find something that is a stress reliever for you.

**My weekends seemed booked everyday these days. This weekend was full of more weddings and my children really enjoyed their self at their friends birthday party!

  
Jessica M. Byrd is the parent of a two and one year old. 

She is the founder of Metro Detroit Mom's Club and believes 

every mother should live a life on purpose!

Making the hard choice: Choosing the right School

By: Jessica Byrd

Ok, so I’ve been having an on-going debate with myself about what is most important when deciding on a school for my children. My daughter is turning three this year, and my son is turning two. My daughter has been in daycare now for about a year and a half. Since she is getting older, I want to put her in a school this is curriculum based, and remove her from a daycare atmosphere. I have looked into numerous  pre-k programs and run across the same debates; public, private or charter, diverse, predominantly white or predominately black. These are some of the concerns that cross my mind and of all of them, the main debate is race. Yes, I am openly admitting that this a strong decision that I am on the fence about. As an African-American I went to predominantly black schools, until I went to Michigan State. I went to great schools, and as I look back race wasn’t something that really resonated with me as a child. Suddenly, today it is the new talk of the town and even schools are stereotyped by their race classification. When I talk to other parents, every parent openly admits that they want their children to be in a diverse school. I don’t remember this being a big deal when I was younger, I just remember going to school with people that looked like me, and it was ok.

Now the Millennial parents are bombarded with all kinds of misconceptions, stereotypes, and divided school systems. We are told predominately African-American schools are falling behind, and predominately white schools are scoring better. Not to mention we will soon have a divided Detroit Public School District, now we have EAA schools , and charters schools are popping up on every corner. As I am still in search for a good Pre-K, and Kindergarten school here are the things that will help me with my final decision:

1. The teachers education and their credentials. I have visited several schools where the teachers for pre-k seem a little young. Yes, I believe some young teachers are very wise, and well-equipped to teach, however my comfort level is for my children’s teacher to be a little seasoned. In addition, I believe the teacher’s educational background is important if you’re my child’s primary source of learning.

2.       The school’s curriculum. Each school has a different curriculum and if it doesn’t for

         pre-k then it is not the right choice for me. I want to be able to know what my child will

         be learning. This way I am able to teach my children at home, and I am aware of what

         my children knows and doesn’t know.

3.       The environment. At first I felt into this mindset that I want my children to be in a diverse

         school, but now I stand strong on the belief that I don’t care if the children are white, black, blue or pink. I want my children around an excellent learning environment, where learning is their first priority. Another key factor to their environment is the classmates' parents. I want a school where the parents are heavily involved. This means the school has some sort of parent community or organizations that meet on a regular basis.

4.  Extra-curriculuar activities. What kind of extracurricular activities does the school offer?

    This is also important because I believe when you start a child off in extra curricular activities early, it opens their exposure.

5. The school’s scorecard. I am an avid online person, and there are a number of schools

   score cards online that shows the schools ratings. One I’ve recently looked at is   https://www.excellentschoolsdetroit.org . Also, MetroParent just released their Big Book Of Schools that gives a complete listing of charter, public, and private schools by different counties.

I will keep you guys updated on the different schools I’ve visited and the verdict on the school I decide for pre-k!!

This weekend was busy for me. Graduations, Bridal showers, and baby showers. None the less I had time to snap some pictures with my loves.

Jessica M. Byrd is the parent of a two and one year old. 

She is the founder of Metro Detroit Mom's Club and believes 

every mother should live a life on purpose!

How Has Your Childhood Affected You?

By: Jessica Byrd

This last Tuesday my hairdresser came to my house to do my hair, while my friend cooked, and entertained my children. Yes, this is why you need a great support system, especially with two toddlers running around. In the midst of me getting my hair done, we had good ole girl talk. I am not sure how we started talking about childhood, but the conversation was never ending when we talked about how we grew up. We hear it so much, how you grow up shapes your reality, but I am truly starting to notice how true this is. There were three women in the house, all had different perspectives and different realities about how things were and should be.

The more we talked the more I understood the value of your childhood. Do you know how many grown women, yes grown, are still fighting their childhood battles. Growing up in dysfunction, can make you think happiness is off your radar, even if happiness is in front of your face you will find something wrong (this speaks to me), some women saw daddy do everything, and can’t find or settle for a man to measure up, others are still hurt from the neglect of their parents and try to bury their issues. Some people grow up with no lines of communication, and taught to hide your emotions.

Just as I thought I was over this conversation, I saw someone post this on instagram the very next day.  

How deep is this? I immediately captured this picture and posted on my instagram account. It made me think about myself as a parent. What habits do I want to stop that can potently affect my children. Our children are aware even if we think they are too young. The can hear us arguing with daddy, cussing the lady out at the store. They know when we’re not paying attention because work is too important, they know when we don’t show up at a game, or dance recital. Our children are aware. Let’s be the best parents we can be. Starting with ourselves. As far as getting rid of your childhood hurt, know our parents are not perfect. Talk to them about our hurt, pray for forgiveness, and move forward being a better you!!! I suggest praying and fasting, it will allow for deliverance.

This weekend was busy for me, full of birthday dinners and birthday parties. This Saturday we celebrated Ms. London’s second birthday at Chuck E Cheese.

Jessica M. Byrd is the parent of a two and one year old.  She is the founder of Metro Detroit Mom's Club and believes  every mother should live a life on purpose!

M. O.M. Master of Many

By: Jessica Byrd

In honor of Mother’s Day, I had the privilege to be apart of a panel titled “M.O.M,” master of many. The panel discussion consisted of three ladies including myself, all of which are working, professional mothers. The panel discussion included key topics mothers faced in today’s society. This discussion was very refreshing in knowing we all have shortcomings, we’re not perfect, and parenting is trial and error.

Being that I have toddlers, one and two year old, I am always open to suggestions, and advice when it comes to the betterment of my children. A couple points that stood out were:

1. Don’t compare your children to each other, or to anyone’s else’s child- Social media has the weird way of making people think everyone life is perfect except yours. It has glorified parenting with cute outfits and playdates. But parenting was and still is a FULL-TIME job. Our children need attention, demand attention, and should always come first. You can’t compare a picture to real life. Each child is different, and each child requires something different.

2.      Old-School discipline works! -No I am not talking about spankings, I am talking about

time-outs, the evil look, and etc.  But one thing that really stood out is when a fellow

panelist told me she learned from her mom when her children are misbehaving she tells   

them to get their act together or they’re going home and going to bed. I said wow! and

asked her so when they don’t listen, do you really make them go to bed, she said YES!

She also mentioned she learned this from trial and error. I know spankings are easy, but

personally I haven’t found them to be that effective, especially not with my daughter. I

have found time outs to really help, and sometimes the old school pinch. When I heard

of this method, I thought this really teaches your children the proper way to act,

and consequences when they’re misbehaving.

        

3.    Be a mother, not a robot- As mothers we have a lot on our plate, to say you live a

      balanced life is hard, wherever you’re giving more of your energy to, you’re slacking

      somewhere else. As mothers we have to learn not to over commit, make things that are

      important to us a priority, but most importantly don’t lose site of our own dreams and your

      own goals. We can’t be three places at one time, so really take time to understand what

      matters the most, but don’t lose yourself trying to be perfect. Trying to perfect and

      pleasing everyone will kill you. Believe me I know.

4.   We’re our children’s first example- Yes, children learn things at school, from friends, but

      we’re our children first role model. Children will get influenced, children will learn

      from their peers, but just like the bible says, “Train up a child in the way he should go,

      and when he is old he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6. We have to be firm about

 our house rules, and what standards we set for our children, most importantly we have to be

 mindful of our own actions.

5.  If something is not ok, then say it’s not ok - One thing I’ve noticed as young parents we

    tend to second-guess our beliefs because our parents or grandparents may

    disagree with our parenting style or rules. While learning from our elders is very important

    it doesn’t mean they’re rules are golden, especially when it comes to your own household.

I had such a great time chatting with these ladies! Raising a child really takes a village. I am so excited to have Mommy Minutes with you guys. If you have any topics or questions you will like me to cover please feel free to email me at: mrsjessicamarieb@gmail.com

Here’s how I enjoyed my mother’s day. I took my children to have a Day with Thomas at The Henry Ford Museum. When my daughter saw Thomas she screamed, THOMAS!!! We had a chance to ride on the train, get Thomas tattoos, play with bubbles, and ride in cars. It was a blast, and we will be returning next year!!

Jessica M. Byrd is the parent of a two and one year old. 

She is the founder of Metro Detroit Mom's Club and believes 

every mother should live a life on purpose!

The Mom's Club: Workshop

If you Google “what makes a good entrepreneur” you’ll find pages and pages of articles describing in great detail the habits, business practices, money handling skills etc. of a business owner complete with examples, charts and diagrams painting the picture of the perfect entrepreneur. Most (if not all) of these articles conclude with the promise that by following those steps, adopting those behaviors and habits, and putting those business practices to use, you’ll become the next small business man/woman turned millionaire. But there’s one thing these articles didn’t include as an ideal attribute of an entrepreneur: being a mom. Many will agree that when considering the qualifications of a CEO, having children is rarely considered as a plus, but more as a hindrance. More often than not, women feel that they have too separate their motherhood from their professional life but there are a select group of women who beg to differ—Momprenuers.

Jesssica Byrd, Founder of The Mom's Club

The A Team caught up with Jessica Byrd, a local Momprenuer who found her passion as a working mom and founded a new organization in Detroit, Michigan called The Mom’s Club. Jessica says she created The Mom’s Club to interact with young professional mothers and provide them with the tools, necessities, and environment to better raise their children. Jessica hosted her first annual Mom’s Club Workshop this past weekend at The Garden Theatre and it was an amazing experience. 

Our host, Ambrea Curry spoke with Jessica before the workshop began to find out more about The Mom’s Club and what we could expect from the workshop. Despite her pre-event jitters Jessica was more than excited about her first Mom’s Club Workshop experience mainly because of the speakers, Loretta Morman who she felt the women could easily relate to and Dr. Eddie Connor Jr. who she described as the perfect gentleman to speak to women with sons. Jessica’s hopes for The Mom’s Club Workshop were that the women could take the information provided and grow as individuals but especially as parents, “If I can save a mother, then this event was a success." 

The workshop focused on talking to children about self-esteem, peer pressure and identity and the first guest speaker, Loretta Morman, author of Hello My Name is BEAUTIFUL, empowerment speaker, etiquette teacher and counselor for young girls, dove right in with great tips for raising a strong woman emphasizing that, “A strong woman creates a stronger society.” Morman encouraged the moms in attendance to be real with themselves and their daughters about the issues you face as a woman trying to find your way through life. She also spoke passionately about how important it is that Moms don’t pretend everything is okay when it isn’t in attempt to protect their daughters from what may seem like a harsh reality.

To conclude her presentation, Loretta also gave the Moms some positive behaviors to practice with their daughters like affirmations, “I Am” statements and teaching them empathy. To conclude, Loretta urged the Moms to get to know their daughters and give them room to become what they want to become in life and not what we (moms) want them to become; she left them with the reminder that, “God gave you your child to raise, not control.”

The next guest speaker was Dr. Eddie Connor Jr., college professor, international speaker, author of five books, and founder of the Boys to Books mentorship program. He gave a powerful presentation on the importance of literacy, how a young man can reach his purpose and how to counteract the negative image of the Black Man in the media. He shared with the Moms his amazing story of coming from a divorced home in Detroit and battling stage four Cancer to becoming the successful man that stood in front of us. Out of the entire workshop a powerful moment occurred when Dr. Connor called up two young men in the audience and gave them what every young man needs:

1.     A book - because we all know what they say about a black man and a book.

2.      A wallet – “to understand investment and money management.”

3.      A belt – “to hold up sagging pants and sagging dreams/goals.”

4.      A watch- to understand that “time is NOT money” and once its gone— it’s gone.

5.     A Tie – to remind them that they are “tied to success”.

6.     A Mentor – because “you cannot be a man if you don’t see a man.”

Dr. Eddie Connor Jr. inspired the Moms to raise young men of standard even if there isn’t a father present.

            I am not a mother myself but the discussions, presentations, exercises and information shared during the workshop from the guest speakers as well as the participating Moms sounded like ideal advice for raising a child in today’s society as well as a great foundation for future child rearing. This workshop was one of many monthly activities including a Mommy Meet & Greet and a Play Date that took place at the Detroit Science Center; next on the agenda for The Mom’s Club is a Mommy’s Day Out. If you would like to become a part of The Mom’s Club and participate in activities like these with Moms like you, contact Jessica Byrd (mrsjessicamarieb@gmail.com) for your membership application!

Here are some extra shots from The Mom's Club Workshop! To see more photos as well as the full interview with Amrea and Jessica, subscribe to The A Team Talks Show YouTube Channel!
-Ayana

Check out the interview here.