Play No Games: Mr. Right versus Mr. Right Now

By: Kori Winters

(As seen on www.According2Kori.com)

There was a time when I thought Mr. Right and Mr. Right Now were one in the same.

That the next guy of interest who would be coming around the mountain just may be “the one” to climb it all the way to the top with a sista. That the next Godiva chocolate young brotha who just so happened to meet all of my criteria — Christian (but not super religious), intellectual with an artsy side (and a dash of street cred), confident with a sensitive side (but not too Drake-y), goal-driven with a solid plan of action (but still fun and spontaneous),  family-oriented (but not a mama’s boy), and at least six feet tall (cause a shawty needs to feel protected in her 5-inch heels) — could be my future husband. I was wrong. Dead wrong. Because a lot of these dudes weren't looking for any form of a commitment to begin with.

Before I proceed, allow me to break down the key differences between Mr. Right and Mr. Right Now for y’all right quick:

• Mr. Right Now is a talker. Mr. Right is a doer. Mr. RN will tell you everything you wanna hear in order to get what he wants.  Mr. R is a man of integrity and purpose who puts action behind his words.
• Mr. Right Now looks out for self. Mr. Right looks out for your best interest. If it doesn't benefit him in some type of way, Mr. RN ain’t having it. Thus, he is very limited in what he does for you. Meanwhile, Mr. R will go out of his way to prove he truly cares about you and will do whatever it takes to make you happy.
• Mr. Right Now thinks short-term. Mr. Right thinks long-term. Mr. RN will take you home, but only to his bedroom — not to meet his mama. He is not looking for any type of commitment with longevity.  However, Mr. R is — and again, he shows it through his actions.
• Mr. Right Now plays games. Mr. Right plays his cards correctly. Mr. RN will fill your head with a bunch of empty promises to get what he wants, and you’re never sure of how he feels about you. Mr. R will do his best to follow up and follow through every time, giving you clear, consistent reassurance through his actions.
• Mr. Right Now will stunt your growth. Mr. Right will cultivate it. One will distract you from your greater purpose while the other will encourage you to fulfill it.

Through plenty of trial and error — and heartbreak — I've learned that my biggest mistake was trying to turn Mr. Right Now into Mr. Right. That’s a no-no. It ain’t gon’ work, sis.

Prime example:

There was this one guy I kicked it with for a minute back in school. I was absolutely infatuated with this young man. He met all of my credentials, and then some. We hung out and had great conversations, were attracted to one another, and shared similar interests. I actually thought we we were perfect for one another, but Dude didn't share my sentiments. He had no problem kicking it, but had no interest in committing (at least not to me). But instead of leaving the situation alone, I allowed myself to continue carrying on with this young man, settling for far less than what I really wanted. I hung onto every hint of affection he gave me as a sign of hope for a future together.

On top of that, I began doing things to try and win his affection. For instance, I knew he liked to watch animé and other weird adult cartoons like Adventure Time. So I did too. Anytime he would come over, I would turn it on or purposely bring it up in conversation to try and impress him. I figured if he could see that I was a weirdo just like him, he would know that we were meant to be together. I even surprised him by getting him tickets to one of his favorite rap artists’ concerts. I just knew I was gonna get promoted to wifey status after that one. He happily obliged, but I still didn't get what I wanted.

It took Dude telling me flat-out that nothing was ever going to happen between us for me to finally wake up from my pipe dream and move on. It hurt, but I ultimately did it to myself. I had been seeking validation from a man who had shown no intentions of claiming me in the first place. I had long-term expectations for someone with a short-term purpose. I was trying to change a situation that was never, ever going to change.

I tried playing the victim role for a minute, but eventually I came to terms with the fact that I had set myself up to get played, and that Dude was just playing his part in all of it.  I learned that rather than try to conform to a man’s interests, I should have been comfortable and confident in my own. Instead of settling and trying to change the situation, I should’ve chucked the deuces and waited until something much better came along.

I learned that Mr. Right Now can never be Mr. Right until he’s ready to man all the way up and be all the way down to play no games.

 Kori Winters

Walking the Joe Louis Arena Stairs...Day 1

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By: Ayana Bryant-Weekes (IG: @all_dat_hair)

I let my mom convince me to hit the Joe Louis Arena steps with her and a group of ladies at 7:30am on a Saturday. I can’t believe I agreed to it but she didn’t even have to do much convincing after she offered to treat me to a (healthy) breakfast after each workout. Since I had been getting little reminders all day about how much I’ve been slacking on my workouts, and with my 24^th birthday just four months away, and plans for two trips out of the country next year, I figured I shouldn’t pass up any opportunities to get a jump start on my 2016 beach body… or a free breakfast.

I’ll admit, I AM SO OUT OF SHAPE!!!! I went from running two miles a day to struggling through a 10-minute jog. Every now and again I went to the gym but I was inconsistent and I let myself get extremely lazy. Beginning this Saturday work out regiment at the Joe Steps will be a test of my will for a couple of reasons: one—I am NOT a morning person. I’d much rather workout in the evenings but I’m striving to achieve a new level of discipline and changing my habits is one of the first steps. The early bird gets the worm, right? Two—I haven’t been working out consistently and shaking off laziness is a hard thing to do, but my plan is to turn on my headphones, zone out and push through. Mind over matter!

I want to show you guys my progress from day one so
if you’d like to follow my journey, follow The A Team Talk Show on Periscope and tune in this Saturday at 7:30am to The A Team Talk Show’s live stream. I’ll also be live streaming my “Healthy Breakfast Hunt” with my mom so make sure you follow and stay tuned for a recap on the blog!

**The A Team Talk Show is on Periscope! @theAteamtalksho  **

A Mommy Minute: Teaching Our Children About Faith And God

 By: Jessica Byrd

In a casual conversation with my friend we were discussing the characteristics of very well- mannered and successful individuals, we immediately focused on their childhood and the one thing we both agreed on was the importance of education, family support and faith. Yes, faith! Which proposed the question should we send our children to Christian based schools. My children are not attending Christian based schools only because I found a school that I believe was very keen on a childrens's education. I had a hard time finding a school that excelled in both areas and the one school I did find, a child couldn't attend until they turned 4.

Because I believe teaching faith and values at a young age is very important, I will supplement the teaching of faith at home. I found this great book on Christianbooks.com called Instant Bible Lessons for Preschoolers and I can't wait to start this curriculum with my children. It was only 9.99 and includes biblical teaching to teach your children values and morals while also teaching your children about God.

I will keep you guys posted about the lessons my little ones are learning!!!
Besides regular school lessons our children need to learn about faith, especially in today's time!

- This weekend, the children attended another barbecue with friends and enjoyed a Sunday brunch with family! Also my son learned how to climb out his crib which means a whole new set of problems!!!!

 

Jessica M. Byrd is the parent of a two and one year old. 

She is the founder of Metro Detroit Mom's Club and believes 
every mother should live a life on purpose!

  

Revamp Your Reading List!!

By: Ayana Bryant-Weekes

I remember reading being something I always loved to do as a little girl - the old bookshelves full of little girl books and pre-teen paperbacks pretty much confirms that memory. There are some people who get bored and fall asleep before they even read the title and author but I never had a problem picking up a book and getting lost in its pages. 

As I got older, my love for reading was overshadowed by a number of things, but I always kept a list of titles I wanted to get back to and read once I got some extra time. I loved  suggestions for a good read and adding them to my list and even though I've fallen way off when it comes to my own "Before I get old" reading list, I encourage everyone who doesn't have a reading list to research some titles and authors and jot down a few that seem interesting to you. 

In case you need help getting started, I came across Relevant Magazine's list of books to read by 25(ish) and thanks to them my reading list has been lengthened lol. Browse these titles and  share your favorites! 

http://www.relevantmagazine.com/life/whole-life/10-books-everyone-should-read-25ish

A Mommy Minute: Teaching Your Children to Use Their Words

By: Jessica Byrd

This particular blog is for all the struggling mothers of toddles as myself. As mentioned before I'm trying to work on my patience with my children but one thing I have very low tolerance for is whining and crying to get your way. My favorite line to my children is "use your words"  I'm trying to teach my children to communicate their needs instead of crying, especially my soon to be three year old. She sees her brother crying and tires to follow suit! NO way! Here is one example of me expressing the importance of using your words to my daughter;

My daughter usually holds herself in the morning and cries. I know she has to use the bathroom so when I walk in her room I say, "Lailah do you have to potty" sometimes she's still whining, I say "ok Lailah I'll come back when you tell mom what you want" of course their is a possibility that she could potty on herself but thank god she hasn't. When I walk back in the room she usually says, "mommy I have to potty" I would then say, "thank you for using your words Lailah, you're such a big girl! I usually give her praise ask for a high five and she's usually a happy camper. I am repeating this praise over and over until she learns that using your words is the best way to communicate your needs!

My son on the other hand is a little younger, he will be two in December but I'm starting the same routine with him. Especially when he cries for milk, I usually stop him in his tears and say, "do you want milk"? He says yes and I reply "how do you ask mommy for milk like a big boy" he usually says "milk please" and I praise him! Of Course there are times when their both way too frustrated and crying is the easier answer for them, but for the most part mommy is teaching them this is a use your words zone!

Make sure you're teaching your toddlers to use their words and not answering to their every cry without properly explaining how to ask for things and use their words! It's a process but they need to learn how to communicate.



*This weekend was a park weekend we celebrated some friends birthday and went to the park both days!

As promised, I was going to keep you guys updated on my children's school. I took Lailah out of Childtime which I believe was awesome for when she was 1-2 years old but as she transitioning into her pre preschool years (she will be three in November) I want her to attend a school environment. She will be starting Early Impressions this September! I am excited for her to attend a big girl school but nervous, as any parent would be. You can't start this school until you're two so my son will be starting January 1st (his birthday is December 31st) I will keep you guys posted about the school!

Jessica M. Byrd is the parent of a two and one year old. 

She is the founder of Metro Detroit Mom's Club and believes 

every mother should live a life on purpose!

The Keys to Unlocking Sweet Sleep: 4 Ways to Achieve A Good Night's Rest

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 By: Ayana Bryant-Weekes

Too many of us are losing sleep. We set “bedtimes” for ourselves and laugh because we know we’ll see that time come and go before we even begin to feel sleepy, we calculate and re-calculate the maximum amount of sleep we’ll get if we fall asleep within ten minutes, we lay awake at night, exhausted in our bodies, wishing we could fall asleep while our minds are wide awake. I started to think about what actually happens to my mind and body when I find myself unable to sleep; my legs tense causing me to toss and turn, my mind goes in a million directions, and when I should be resting and recharging my body, I’m awake and worrying. Vamping (staying up all night) became a commonality among people of my age group, which is apparently chalked-full of self-diagnosed Insomniacs.

So what is it about the night? What is it about the time dedicated to rest, that rest seems to be the one thing we can’t do? I remembered seeing a post on Instagram that said ‘Worry is just a tool of the enemy to take your mind off of God’s power’. How is something as simple as sleep used an attack of the enemy? One of the most important parts of living a healthy life is the time you spend letting your body recharge—sleeping. In the past I’ve always heard you need at least 8 hours of sleep. Since then, I’ve learned that the recommended amount of sleep varies based on a bunch of things like age, lifestyle and health. This chart from sleepfoundation.org has a really great breakdown of the actual amount of sleep each age range needs. Nevertheless, most 20-somethings will admit we don’t get anywhere near 10-11 hours of sleep.

With so much on our minds and hearts its easy to spend countless hours agonizing over the details of our daily lives, trying to escape anxieties and scrolling aimlessly through social media to find entertainment and before we know it, the sun is coming up! The next day we’re tired, cranky, and living for the Lord is the last thing we feel like doing (I hope I wasn’t too honest there).  But that’s the exact mind frame that leaves us vulnerable for an attack.

The author of Lamentations counsels us to cry out to the Lord in the midst of everything that’s weighing us down in chapter 2:19 and Jesus tells us to come to Him if we’re burdened or weary so He can give us rest [Matthew 11:28]. Losing sleep draws us further away from Christ by affecting our physical health and dispositions. Proverbs 3:24 promises us sweet sleep if we use wisdom and discretion so here are 3 non-medical sleep methods I found on nationalsleepfoundation.org  (and one method I came up with) to walk in faith and achieve a good night’s rest.

           

1.     Cognitive Behavioral Therapy – This method addresses unhealthy beliefs and fears about sleep, and encourages rational positive thinking. I requires behavioral changes like setting a bedtime and wake time (and sticking to it), getting out of bed after 20 minutes (I’m notorious for lounging after I wake up), and cutting out naps!

2.     Relaxation Training – Involves progressive muscle relaxation, where you steadily tense and relax muscles in your body, breathing exercises and meditation, and listening to audio sleep aids.

3.     Stimulus Control – This method requires you to build an association between the bedroom and sleep by limiting what you do in your bed/bedroom. Limit your activities to ones that promote rest and cut out things like eating and doing work in your bed.

4.     My favorite method is a combination of music, deep breathing, and a chilled glass of water. Thanks to Spotify I’ve started listening to jazz, classical, and even worship songs at night when I can’t sleep and sooner than I think I’ve been lulled to sleep.  I like to keep a chilled glass of water on my night s keep my body at a comfortable temperature, especially in the summer. Lastly,  I slow my breathing to trigger by body into sleep mode. It helps my muscles relax and eases me right into a sweet sleep, free of stress and worry.

Psalm 4:8 echoes the faith we should exercise when we trust God for sweet sleep, it declares, “In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, O Lord, will keep me safe.” And by faith, we believe what Psalm 3:5 says, “I laid me down to sleep; I awakened; for the Lord sustained me.” I’ve been searching for night devotionals to incorporate into my nightly routine, it’s necessary to remind yourself to cast your cares on God and that in Him there is rest.

           

A Mommy Minute: Trying to understanding your child’s tantrums

By:Jessica Byrd

First let me admit, I am not an expert in parenting, I am just a mother learning the ins and out of parenting as I read, and through trial and error. Discipling  is something that is so hard for me. If I spank my child I feel awful afterwards, if I yell, my children burst out into tears, so most of the time I was left losing many battles. That was then. I found it important to first try to understand my children’s tantrums, to understand how to discipline them accordingly. With my daughter there is a tantrum every morning she can’t wear a dress. This little girls love dresses, it used to stress me out, If I say no Lailah you’re not wearing a dress today, she would literally throw a fit. How do you spank a child for this??!! What it all boils down to is that she couldn’t get her way, and she doesn’t properly know how to address those feelings. At first, It was because mommy said so. Now I have to explain to my child why sometimes pants are a better fit for the day. Conversations usually go like this, “you don’t want to wear your pretty dress in the rain do you”, “you don’t want to play in your pretty dress outside,” and it goes on. Yes, this is a real live issue I have with my daughter she is obsessed with dresses.

A lot of times when she is frustrated she like to turn into a baby to get attention. Now this is something I have zero tolerance for. At this point it is no talking, I direct her to time-out and tell her to come see mommy she’s ready to communicate and talk to mommy like a big girl. This works wonders!! She will sit in time out, sometimes cry for  a second, realizes she is getting no attention, and 7 times out of 10, says mommy I’m ready to be a big girl. My eyes light up, and I say GREAT! Mommy likes when you’re a big girl!

When we’re out in public and she wants things her way, I usually take her in the bathroom get down to her level and talk about the situation, most times she comes out a happy camper, sometimes it doesn’t work. I try my best not to spank, but sometimes this child can truly test me!! Those girls!!

My son is pretty chill, but he’s in this throwing stage and it drives me insane!! If he gets mad he throws, most of the time I explain to him he doesn’t throw, and that didn’t work a bit. This week, I am starting time outs. I will keep you guys posted on how that works.

I have really learned the importance of understanding the cause of your child’s tantrums, this can help you understand the appropriate disciplinary measures you should take.

As promised, I have found a school for my children. Tune into next week and I share my journey in choosing the right school for my children!

Also if you’re interested in joining The Mom’s Club we will be having a Meet and Greet in September.

** This weekend, I had a break!!  On Saturday, my children went with their grandparents on and I enjoyed a night with friends!! Much needed!


Happy Monday Loves!! Lailah and I on the way to school. Yes she’s wearing a dress ...lol  




Jessica M. Byrd is the parent of a two and one year old. 

She is the founder of Metro Detroit Mom's Club and believes 
every mother should live a life on purpose!