Guest Bloggers: Emari Parsons of Soul, Style, Beauty!

Emery Parsons of Soul, Style Beauty
IG: @soulstylebeauty
 Twitter: @soulstylebeauty
Facebook  SoulStyleBeauty

Emari Parsons of SoulStyleBeauty is a fashion, beauty and lifestyle blogger based in NY. At 23 years old Emari has always loved creating. She recently graduated from the Fashion Institute of Technology in New York City with an Associates Degree in Fashion Design/Bachelors Degree in Advertising Marketing and Communications. Fashion is her first love as she currently works full time in the industry. Emari created Soul Style Beauty to share her passion for Life,Style and Beauty. 

"Where we talk about life, beauty and style starting from the inside out."

 www.SoulStyleBeauty.com

Youtube Channel: SoulStyleBeauty

Don’t Rush The Process!

By: Emari Parsons

This past Sunday, like every I do every week, I was on my way to the grocery store to prepare my weekly meal prep. I had just finished a dance class celebrating a friend’s birthday, so of course  I was feeling of fatigued as I walked there. I arrived at the grocery store shopping took longer than expected this time around. I was mentally & physically tired prior to walking in and quite frankly,  I didn't feel like walking up and down every aisle to find the things I needed! About 40 minutes later, with all the groceries in my cart, I stood in the self-checkout line and proceeded to a station. I scanned and bagged everything, item by item, and I was good to go.

On my way home, as usual I felt like the bag lady- the weight of stress due to many woes combined with the weight of the groceries were wearing on my sleeve. After making it home I started preparing  food for my meal prep. Multi-tasking with three pots on the stove, the stress levels increased and the thoughts started to arise. “Will I always be alone to take care of the things in my life?  Just me, myself and I handling every single thing? The thoughts continued to rush in and  I finally reached my breaking point for that day. I said out loud to God "I am sick of doing this alone." From carrying all the groceries home myself, to preparing my weekly meals, combined with all other responsibilities of my life was getting to me. 

I thought to myself, it’s happening again. Once again, I had found myself re-visiting the very thoughts that caused me to enter into situations that should have never began. Thoughts that cause me to question both my future and the  present moment. Truth is, we all have those moments where the pressures of life cause us to defocus from God’s promises, making room for false truths to fill our mind causing us to think we are lacking something. This can happen at any moment!

What we actually need to do is re-focus.

In Deuteronomy 31:8, God states “Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord will personally go ahead of you. He will be with you; he will neither fail you nor abandon you”. Therefore, God is already in our future. His word also states that he directs the steps of the godly and delights in every detail of their lives. These are true life promises of our creator, the living God! However, I know that is not easy to remember during stressful times.

Focusing is a skill that continuously needs to be sharpened.

Thoughts are created and depending on how you handle it, your thoughts can become actions. We have a choice to either take action right away while under pressure, or actually analyze the root of the issue before deciding to act out. Your thought pattern plays a crucial part! Experiencing this countless times, I have develop a few techniques myself to help quiet my thoughts, re-focus and patiently wait on what’s to come. 

Be At Peace Before Anything

The worst thing you can do is make a permanent decisions based off of temporary emotions. Get yourself at peace before anything! I like to remind myself of God’s promises so I tend to read the Bible, pray and listen to worship music to remind myself that God is still in control regardless of the circumstance (Hebrews 11:3).  Another option can be calling a friend to pray with you and talk about the situation. Good friends can cause you to discover things in yourself that you may not see at the current moment.

It’s A Process

“Don’t think of the end result too much. Know the goal but bask in the process. God is there.”

No one gets handed a well-developed future in a box! God prepares us for our future to come. You don’t want to miss that because every detail is crucial. Regardless if you are in a season of woes or great moments, there are always things to learn. Take in every lesson and evaluate how you are developing in the present moment.

Practice Gratitude

We must always approach God with thanksgiving even if life isn’t at its best. It’s cliché, but there is always something to be thankful for. The small things such as life, having a roof over your head and being able to be in the right state of mind often goes unnoticed. Practice gratitude for what you do have daily.

Pray, Wait and Trust

Communication with God is needed daily.  Prayer is when we can do just that. It gives a chance to get into the presence of God to speak to him and listen to what he has to say to us as well. Talk to him about your desires, your dreams, your down falls. He hears you! Then we must wait on him. The hardest part is not knowing when those things will happen, but that’s where trust is needed. Be patient because the last thing you want to do is rush into something that God never had planned for you.

Don’t rush the process of your life. There will be thoughts that fill your mind daily that can cause you to take action towards something that you’re not even prepared for yet. Instead of doing that, practice the above techniques and trust God. He has your future in his hands. Always re-focus and continue to wait on the Lord. When those thoughts fill your mind, analyze them, reject the ones that are not needed and re-focus.

Love you and god bless you!

E

Modesty: What’s the Big Deal?

By: Ashleigh Maynor, M.A., LPC, NCC
Coach | Blogger | Speaker, Founder of inTENtional U, LLC

Ashleigh Maynor,

theintetionalu@gmail.com || www.theintentionalu.com

Ashleigh is a true midwest girl. She loves to bake, salsa dance, attempt any Pinterest DIY project and serve God through singing in her church choir. She is an active member of Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, Inc. and a Licensed Professional Counselor who enjoys helping others cultivate healthy relationships and discover their career passions in order to live their life intentionally.

I was originally going to write about relationships, you know the romantic kind. As a licensed therapist I really enjoy working with clients on building healthy relationships and working through tough issues. However, something I saw on Facebook last week changed my mind. Let me say right now that what I am about to say makes me a little concerned that from here on out everyone will be scrutinizing how I dress. I am a girl who loves her ponytails, jeans and sweatshirts, so don’t look at me funny when you see me in the streets with my pink and green Michigan sweatshirt, jeans and converse, that was my style before writing this and it’s going to be my style after (You’ll get where I’m going with this). That said, I wanted to touch on something that has been a hot topic in my group chats over the last week or so. My notifications have been constantly going off surrounding the topic of modesty. What is this thing called modesty and why has everyone been talking about it recently?

I’m gonna do me in Jesus’ name!

I’m sure many of you have been paying attention to the trending news with Ayesha Curry’s tweet a few months ago on modesty and more recently Devon Franklin coming to the defense of his wife, Meagan Good, after a woman rudely (in my opinion) made a comment in regards to her choice of clothing at an interview with One Church LA. To clarify, no - I don’t think that was the time or the place for that woman to address Meagan about her wardrobe. She missed a ripe opportunity to have a great conversation and better understand why Meagan chooses to wear what she does. Ultimately, they are two grown adults. She can dress how she wants to and if neither she nor her husband are convicted about it, then sometimes it’s best to just pray for people instead of inserting your two cents. Yes, I do believe Devon was right for standing up for his wife but where Devon lost me was when he said, “She can wear what she wants to wear in the name of Jesus!”. I cringed a little when that came across his lips. My dude...really?! He may have meant every word that he said, but I hope in hindsight he realizes that his delivery there could have been better.

“Likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, but with what what is proper for women who profess godliness -- with good works.” 1 Timothy 2:9

After that clip of Devon and Meagan began going viral on social media, my friends and I had some lengthy group chats giving our perspectives on it. One my friends stated that, “The bible is clear about what modesty is, but the definition of modesty is subjective.” I couldn’t agree with her more. 1 Timothy 2:9 says, “Likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, but with what what is proper for women who profess godliness -- with good works.” Before some of you start sending me hatemail and claiming that I need to check my inner feminist, step back and read that scripture again and be careful that you aren't taking it out of context. This scripture is not saying we can’t wear nice or fancy things. I may like my sweatshirts, but I’m not out here in public looking frumpy on the daily. This scripture isn’t telling my to look like Plain Jane - what woman wants to look worn down and tattered? I love my pearls and plan on wearing them to the grave as they put the ivy on my casket. I don’t know any women, or men for that matter, who want women out here looking broke down, frumpy and unkempt, but I digress.

This scripture is simply calling on women to wear “respectable apparel” in order to show their true beauty. It’s not saying women shouldn’t dress in a way that makes them look and feel beautiful, it’s stating quite the opposite. It’s telling us women not to use material things to hold ourselves to a standard of beauty. Your true beauty is within. How do you adorn yourself properly? By making sure that your faith and your words match your actions. In other words, we as believers should be known for how we act not how we look.

In a society where sex sells, where looks and first impressions are everything, it’s just easier to conform. However, you and I have been set apart. We were not called to live an easy life, as believers we were called to be courageous and go against the grain - to hold ourselves to a different set of standards than the world does.

We Have a Choice!

That’s right good people! God has given each and every one of us free will. We can choose to glorify God in our bodies through what we wear and we can choose not to. Our convictions will be different. Just like some people feel convicted about drinking alcohol, I don’t. Now getting drunk is a different story, but having 1 or 2 glasses of wine over a period of time in a social setting is quite alright with me! As I am writing this, I am slightly convicted in other areas of my life, whether it be how I eat or do I exercise enough, but there’s always room to make better choices and room for growth. When you know better, you do better. I know that I strive to glorify God in everything that I do, but I don’t always make the best decisions. I’m pretty sure that if I am blessed to grow old and grey my decision making will be more sound, but I’m still going to make some bad one’s here and there, I’m human - that is going to happen. The awesome thing is that God shows his love for us in that while we are still sinners He gave his son to die for us.

The Grace is Real.

While everyone may look at you and I and turn their noses up in judgement and disgust; when people don’t like your style and say that how you look or live is gross, remember that God says grace! If God can show his grace to us, despite everything we’ve done and will do, then why is it that we can’t treat others in the same way? Could that woman have been more gracious in how she made her comment to Meagan... absolutely! That’s what I really liked about Meagan’s response. Even though the woman’s comment clearly upset Meagan, instead of getting mad and responding out of hurt and anger she said, “Pray for me”. She could have easily reacted, but by responding with a calm spirit and a smile she showed her class.

“But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8

We are flawed and God shows us grace despite that. He uses our flaws and our mess to deliver a message. I don’t know about you, but that encourages me that He will meet me where I am and doesn’t expect me to be perfect. We are always growing and getting better, at least that’s what we hope, right? He is always working on us and we are a continuous work in progress. We don’t know what work God has planned for Meagan and Devon. Could her outer appearance be a distraction from their message? Yea, I’m sure it could be, but their message may not be for you and instead, for someone else. So don’t be so quick to judge - show a little grace.

“Modesty isn’t about covering up our bodies because they’re bad, modesty isn’t about hiding ourselves… it’s about revealing our beauty.”

Your Actions Should Speak So Loud 

I Can’t Hear a Word You’re Saying

“In the name of Jesus” should not be a justification to wear or do whatever we please. Our hearts will ultimately be lead by him each and every morning when we look in our closets and decide what we are going to put on for the day. It’s true, people are going to judge you and have opinions about you regardless, so dress in whatever makes you happy! I encourage you to start thinking about if what you’re wearing each day is a reflection of what your heart looks like.

Whether you believe it or not, it is true. If your heart is broken and craving attention, you're going to dress in a way that reflects that. If you’re depressed and feel beaten down, you’re going to dress in a way that says that. My sweatshirts, ponytails and jeans are a reflection of how comfortable and confident I am in my skin. When I feel like it or when the occasion calls for it, I know how to slay in some heels and a nice dress that hugs the curves - not too tight, but just right. Don’t let the way you look to be a distraction from the message God wants you to share and the purpose He has for you. As women we have the beauty and power to teach others how to see, treat and love us for the right reasons.

Why Today's Generation Dumped Traditional Dating

By: Drusilla Ollennu

IG: @toldbydrudoll

Twitter: @toldbydrudoll

 toldbydrudoll.com 

Remember what old school dating used to be like?  When people would go on several dates; and they took their time to get to know someone before taking the next step? Remember when men would pick women up in their cars for a date; and if they didn't have a car, they took public transportation and met the women in front of their homes? That was back in the day, or at least it feels like it. These actions are not entirely extinct, but back in the day, it was a societal norm to take it slow with dating. Now? Not so much.

Before I move forward with this article, I'm going to say that I accept the fact that everyone has different desires, standards, and expectations. I cannot speak for anyone but myself, and what I write is from personal experience. In my adult life, most of the men I've dated no longer exercise these "back in the day" dating traditions. It might take only one or two dates before a guy tries to get frisky.  Sometimes, there won't even need to be a date; there are some guys that just go in for the kill (aka attempting to have sex) during the first encounter. At some point I've started to wonder why this is becoming the new norm. My generation is taking less time to know one another, creating and ending relationships at a rapid rate, and I can't help but wonder, why? Why are we moving so much more quickly with each other without building a strong foundation? I'm not only talking about sex, I'm also referring to taking the next step with living arrangements and marriage. Once again, I'm not judging anyone for his or her decisions, do you boo boo! I'm just curious as to what triggered the shift in relationship dynamics over the years.

One of the reasons I believe dating and relationships have changed so much: technology. Just hear me out. Of course, other factors play a role, such as familial dynamics, issues with trust and commitment, past relationships that have failed, and many others, but what I have come to realize is that today's generation in particular feeds off of instant gratification. Thanks to technology, we're used to a fast pace. If you think about it, everything happens instantly: fast food, next day mail delivery, day to day communication (text messaging and emails), quick access to movies (Netflix), transportation (Uber, Lift), and the list goes on! You don't have to even make an effort to try to find someone to date because there's Tinder, Match.com...no shade to those platforms, but I'm just highlighting the immediate accessibility that comes with technology. We can pretty much get access to anything we want, at any time, and very quickly. In a world where we live this instant lifestyle, why wouldn't that also translate into our dating lives? Today's tech generation lacks patience because we are accustomed to convenience and immediate results in almost everything, and that mindset doesn't necessarily switch off when we hit the dating scene. 

With the way that our world has evolved, the speed of traditional dating is no longer appealing to many. But I can't help but wonder: did traditional dating produce more effective relationships than those of today? From my own experience, it is becoming more and more rare to come across individuals who are involved in long-term relationships. Today, we're all about the "cuffing season" (aka the time for 'seasonal relationships'), "Netflix and chill," "side chick," "this is just bae" culture; all of which sound like very temporary relationships. My parents took years to get to know each other and they have been together for thirty eight years now. I'm not sharing this to boast or make anyone feel bad, but I believe that there is something worth cherishing in traditional dating. Maybe being raised by traditional parents and witnessing the shift in how people interact with each other today makes me want to explore why we have dumped our old ways. I don't know all the answers; but whatever the case may be, what I do know is that technology plays a bigger part in our love lives more than we realize. Would you agree? 

Dreams and Nightmares

By: Ayana Bryant-Weekes

What's the difference between a dream and a nightmare? Technically, both area succession of images, thoughts, or emotions that pass through the mind during sleep, however, a nightmare is a type of dream, one that brings feelings of helplessness, extreme anxiety, sorrow, etc. At times these images can be extremely vivid and seemingly real; other times, they can be vague and confusing. Sometimes we forget them as soon as we wake up and other times they are easy to recall and stick with us for a long time. 

Of course, some dreams occur when we're not asleep. Some dreams come to us by intuition and imagination; that "little something" on the inside that sparks and indescribable passion, and drive to achieve a goal or satisfy a purpose. We dream of what we'll become in our careers, who we'll meet in our love life, where we'll travel to and so many other fill-in-the-blank details about our lives that cause us to look and plan ahead. Sometimes, if we're not careful, these dreams, these amazing desires we have for ourselves turn into nightmares when fear, laziness, discouragement, distraction and other negative factors creep in and cause us to deviate from our plans and even shy away from the plans that God has for us. 

There's a saying that says, "If your dreams don't scare you, they aren't big enough" I won't speak for everyone, but my dreams seem like nightmares because they are so big and so beyond what I think my capabilities are and if I'm completely honest, my plans for 2016 SCARE ME! These plans are going to push me into a new life season that is uncharted territory for me... but, I'd like to suggest that this "fear"of our dreams, doesn't qualify them as "nightmares", like I said before, fear, laziness, discouragement and distraction are what turn our dreams into nightmares and I think that instead of fear (since fear is a crippling illusion of inadequacy) the nervous jitters we experience before beginning something new is exactly how we know we're going in the right direction and motivates us to push ourselves and dive right in while fear hinders and stifles us and our potential. 

Last Sunday, my pastor, Bishop J. Drew Sheard, preached "The Necessity of Forgetfulness" in which he gave us a lot of things to forget in 2016. Among them were: past failures, handicaps, and fears. There were others but these three stood out the most because these were the very things causing me to second guess and even down size my dreams. As we reflect on 2015 and sit at the threshold of 2016, let's evaluate our goals and dreams. Let's make sure we aren't staying our comfort zones and being small minded but also, let's be sure not to turn our own dreams into nightmares.

My prayer for 2016 is that I continue to trust God at new levels, continue to trust His work and power in me and to release things that cause me to doubt His plan for my life.

Should you know a person’s past when pursing them?

By: Telicia Barksdale 

Question: Have you ever cheated on someone?

Answer: I’ve cheated in every relationship I’ve been in.

*****JUDGEMENT PROCESSING*****PLEASE WAIT***** JUDGEMENT PROCESSING*

Judgment:

“They’re serial cheater. They have cheated on every partner they have ever been with, and they’re probably going to cheat on me.”

Problem:

You’ve made a decision of who they are presently, based on what they did in the past.

______________________________________________________

“The only thing constant in life is change”

For all you know the only relationships that man may have had were during his adolescent years, and I can tell you the person that I am today is not the same person I was when I was 18. My mindset, my actions, my personality have changed.

We go through life we grow and learn from our experiences.

Don’t judge me for things I have done with an underdeveloped mind, body or spirit.

But with that said,

I see no harm in asking questions about the past.

Not focusing so much on what they did, but focusing more on their PRESENT thoughts about their PAST.

So for example:

Question: Have you ever been in a monogamous relationship with anyone?

Male A: “No, I used to mess with a bunch of females back in the day, I lived that life and loved it. Ahh those were the days, if only I could go back.”

Male B: “No, I used to date a lot of different females back in the day, I lived that life for a while but eventually it got old. “

Both of these males did the same thing in the past; however based on their responses, Male B sounds more likely to be successful in a monogamous relationship than Male A. So there’s nothing wrong with taking that response, noting it, and moving along.

The responses to questions about their past helps you identify things like:

Whether or not they are capable of growth?

Do they know right from wrong?

What type of morals they may have?

What do they value?

What they’re looking for?

Etc.

So by simply making conversation and sharing stories you’re getting to know each other. You’re getting to know each other without bluntly asking questions back to back, and making the date cold and awkward.

SO to sum it up, judge the response to the action and not the action…. Just kidding…well kind of J

A Mommy Minute: Year End Review

By: Jessica Byrd

I love the holidays, particularly at  the end of the year. This time of year is so exciting! Most of us are preparing for the holiday and getting ready for a new year and this is when I look forward to new beginnings and do my own year end review to look over my past mistakes and lessons learned. Here are a couple things I've learned about life, parenthood, balance and so forth this year.

1. Each and every child is different and you have to treat them accordingly. My children are thirteen months apart, and although they're close in age, they are completely different. My daughter is self sufficient, my son is not. His whining used to bother me so much, and still does, but I had to realize that I can't compare my children, nor can I discipline them the same, or talk to them the same way. Through trial and error I've learned the importance of treating my children like individuals instead of a group. 
2.  Every relationship needs clear communication, and expectations to be clear. This was huge for me. Being a mother is important, and my marriage is the most important (yes it says this in the bible also.) A lot of arguments could of be avoided had we had clear communication. Same for friendships, we and in this case I, sometimes can place expectations on my friends and when they don't follow through, I'm upset. All of this must be communicated with every relationship you have. This was something huge I learned this year. 
3. Redirection is huge! So, I'll admit, I am big on discipline, but not everything needs a spanking. I learned the importance of redirection for my children, but I've also learned the difference between needing to use redirection and discipline. When my children are crying because they can't get their way it's no need to have a debate, young toddlers don't understand why they can't have something, which means you have to explain the reason to them and redirect your children to a "yes" !  
4. Patience! I have none, and the minute I asked God for patience, the more I was tested. I reworked my schedule sometimes to have more patience. As I mentioned before, waking up earlier in the mornings allows for more patience with your children. Same goes for life, preparation is huge in life and decreases a big rush. Preparation is key! 
5.  Pray till you can't pray anymore. I saved this for last but it is the most important. Although I consider myself to be a spiritual person,  prayer was something that I didn't do everyday. Life can get so busy, but prayer is important! Of Course we take our big issues to God but what about the small things. Praying for a good day, praying for your children safety while at school, praying you make good sound decisions. Recently, I've started my days off with prayer and it helps!

**This weekend was my daughter first dance recital, she did so good and loved every bit of it!!

 

Jessica M. Byrd is the parent of a two and one year old. 

She is the founder of CHICMoms (formerly Detroit Moms Rock) and believes 

every mother should live a life on purpose!

Gift Buying Limits For Children

It's that time of the year where we spend precious moments at the mall and toys stores to buy our children everything that I could’ve imagined and more!

Last year, I went crazy on Christmas gifts for the children, my motto was the more the merrier. What did half of those toys do? Sit in the back room and collect dust. The only two items that were a big hit were the drum set and the karaoke machine.

This year will not be the same. Every other day I get asked, "Did you finish your Christmas shopping"? And when I reply my children aren't getting a lot this year, I can feel the disbelief from my reply. But I'm fine with that!

I saw this post on Metro Parent and I simply fell in love with it. There were a couple mottos that I found to be perfect when it comes to setting limits on Christmas gifts.

        1. The "Three Kings” Christmas. The Three Kings presented Mary with three gifts when Jesus was born. So families Use the same model and present each child just three gifts.

I personally love this. Telling your children you can choose three things and allowing them to limit their selves I think is a good idea. Children will most likely chose three big gifts, which is ok, given your budget. But it sets boundaries and incorporates bible teaching as well.

    2.There’s also a four-gift idea from Victorian tradition. It comes with an easy-to-remember poem: “Something you want, something you need; something to wear and something to read.”

Now this is my favorite! This is the one I will be using this year! Especially since I have toddlers and they're not expecting much yet. I think this is awesome. It covers all ground and allows children and adults to differentiate wants from needs. This is also a good model to follow when it comes to buying yourself gifts for birthdays and etc.

3.       3. Setting a budget. My one friend told her nine year old son his budget for gifts and it was his responsibility to write down his wants and calculate the cost to stay within the budget! Awesome way to incorporate budgeting tools and introducing our children to money.

Whatever your Christmas tradition is, I challenge parents to truly teach our children the meaning of the holiday. Have talks about the limits around Christmas gifts, set a tradition to give to others, or volunteer at events that may need your help around the holidays.

Incorporate your own holiday tradition and values. Like I mentioned before, some people find it obscure that I don't tell my children about Santa Clause. My children knows that God supplies mommy and daddy with all their need to purchase gifts for Christmas. For me, the holiday is about the true reason for the season. But that's my personal family values, each family is different! Whatever it is, own your values, despite what the world tells us we should be doing around this holiday season.

Remember, Christmas is a time of giving and sharing precious moments together, more than anything it's a holiday about love.

Source: Metro Parent

Jessica M. Byrd is the parent of a two and one year old. 

She is the founder of CHICMoms (formerly Detroit Moms Rock) and believes 

every mother should live a life on purpose!