Jerel’s 7 tips for “BETTER” Dating

By Jerel Duren

 

I am not dating expert. I am a far cry from “Hitch” or the “Love Guru” …believe me. I’m a single, 24 year old man who is still trying to figure it all out. However, I can say that after personal experiences and countless discussions with friends and family of various age groups and marital statuses, there are 7 tips that I’d like to offer to those of you who are still navigating this mysterious maze we call dating!

1.     Be honest about what you want

It sounds simple… and it is! Be honest, people! The truth will always surface- whether it’s in word or in deed. A lot of times we become deceptive with the people we’re interested in due to a fear of rejection or to cover up our true motives, amongst other things. No matter the reason, dishonesty will always cause hardships.

If you’re dating a person and you’re looking for a relationship, communicate that. Once you’ve been open and honest about that, the ball is in the other person’s court. So once you’re ready to take the next step past dating it won’t be a surprise! And vice versa, if you’re not looking for a relationship, let them know that upfront so should it become an issue down the line, a precedent has already been set.

Be Honest.

2.     Take your time

In today’s dating climate the whole “We don’t love ‘em,” “[They] ain’t loyal” façade is very prevalent. That’s all it is though, a façade. Too many of us are jumping in and out of relationships. I think we all have one or two people on Instagram or Facebook that has a new Bae, Boo, #WCW, #MCM, #LoveOfMyLife, #TogetherForever person on our timeline. SLOW DOWN. The saying goes “Good things come to those who wait.” It’s perfectly fine to seek out a significant other but take some time to get to know people. Actually go through a real dating phase before you decide to hop in a relationship with someone. By slowing up the pace, you’ll save yourself a lot of heartbreak and wasted energy.

3.     Have fun!

This one goes hand and hand with “Take your time.” The next time you’re about to go on a date, stop, look yourself in the mirror and tell yourself, “RELAX.” Especially if you really like the person. Take things one day at a time. Set your mental checklist aside and enjoy yourself. Don’t be afraid to switch it up by talking to someone who doesn’t quite fit your normal steelo. (Yes, I said steelo.) Don’t put so much pressure on yourself. Time is not refundable so why not make it enjoyable?

4.     Let actions determine how far the dating will go

If you’ve gone out with a person a few time and you feel like you two aren’t on the same page, there’s nothing wrong with keep things at the friendship level. If things are problematic in the early stages, don’t force it. Trust yourself. After a few times around the block I’m sure we can all recognize certain warning signs. DON’T IGNORE THE RED FLAGS.

5.     Life’s not a fairy tale

Ok, now I know I just said DON’T IGNORE THE WARNING SIGNS and I meant it. Yet, every person and situation is different. We all have things in our head that we want out of a potential mate- a checklist. Whether it’s nice hair, nice teeth, a good job, good looks… we all have our thing(s). That’s fine but you have to realize that you are not perfect yourself; you might not check off every box for your own #Bae. The woman might have children but she also might have her act together. That man might not have the best job but does he have the right work ethic? I’m not telling you to settle or lower your standards but give people a chance sometimes.

6.     Maintain a personal identity

Big Sean has a song called “When Some, Lose Some.” At the end of the song there is a clip of his father dropping some knowledge during a conversation. One of the things he said really stuck out to me. He said “Life is a feeling process.” Humans aren’t meant to be stagnant. We are meant to grow. We are meant to evolve. Just remember to maintain a sense of who you are at the core- no matter where you are in your process. Don’t be consumed so much in another person that you are willing to change everything about yourself to get or keep their attention.

7.     On to the next…

Chances are, the next person you date or go out with won’t be your husband or wife. That’s ok! Glean from them. Absorb what they have to teach you and carry on. One of my mentors always tells me “Jerel, you’ll keep going through the same things until you learn the lesson.” It’s true. Time and time again, you can date the same type of person or go through the same things over and over with the same person until you learn the lesson. Once you finally get it, move on. There really are many fish in the sea!

…Gone and try you some more fish! J

Happy Dating.

Jerel's new single BETTER will be available for streaming and download June 2nd, 2015!

 IG: @JerelDuren